


The Game

by radhaj



Category: L'Arc~en~Ciel
Genre: Anal Sex, Band Fic, M/M, mention of drug use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-18
Updated: 2013-03-18
Packaged: 2017-12-05 16:11:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 23,989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/725242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/radhaj/pseuds/radhaj
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Tetsu approaches Hyde to join his band, the vocalist turns out to be everything he's been made out to be and more. But is that more than the new band leader can handle?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Prologue**  
  
Their meeting was neither fate nor destiny. Tetsu did not believe in any of those things. He had been called naive on several occasions, but in reality that couldn't be further from the truth. He was very down to earth and prudent. He knew better than to use those sappy and romantic words when talking about the reasons that led him to that particular live house on that particular evening.  
  
But it was not an accident or a fluke either. It was inevitable for much more practical reasons however: Tetsu had been looking for band members and scouring through live houses every night, trying to find someone he could work with. It was just a matter of time before he stumbled upon Jerusalem's Rod and, in consequence, upon the band's vocalist.  
  
It was something that could be expected and it was inevitable. But in no way did it seem simple. Because, as Tetsu came to know in the years that followed, rarely anything was simple or uncomplicated when it came to the enigma known as Hyde.  **That**  evening, it was not simple for Tetsu to find the strength to draw his eyes from the man on stage.  
  
It was not just the sheer beauty of the man that captivated him so, though Tetsu could readily admit to himself that his ethereal appearance played a huge role in it. Neither was it the sensual way he moved, capturing the audience in a mesmerizing spell, making them his, making them move and breathe in the rhythm that  **he**  wanted them to. A big part of it was his voice, rich and deep, full of emotion and color, but it was not the deciding factor either.  
  
It was the sheer presence of the man, the way he seemed to shine from within and draw people to himself simply by existing. And on those rare occasions when Tetsu  **did**  let himself think sappy thoughts, he fancied that the biggest reason had been the feeling he got that day, like the vocalist's eyes were searching for someone or something. Maybe they searched for a meaning, maybe for a savior. At the time, Tetsu youthfully believed he could give Hyde both.  
  
Of course, if Hyde really searched for anything that evening, he did that subconsciously and not on purpose. A man of his pride would have never confessed to lacking anything. But Tetsu didn't know that at the time, and his curiosity had already been picked.   
  
That was why, when the live was over and all of the other (quite unimpressive) bands had played, Tetsu turned to his only companion that evening - a friend that he always brought with him on these member hunts because of his unrivaled knowledge of every rumor about every musician in Osaka that was ever uttered - and inquired about the band in as nonchalant a voice as he could muster. He was not so pleasantly surprised by the reaction that got him.  
  
"Please tell me you're kidding, Tetsu. Anyone but him," the friend said, his face gaining an almost pained expression, immediately zeroing in on who exactly from the band Tetsu was interested in. The aspiring band leader only raised a questioning eyebrow.  
  
"Why? What do you have on him?" He asked, now even more curious than before.  
  
"Nothing. Everything. I don't know. He's the most mysterious man on the scene I've ever known," Tetsu's acquaintance said, almost exasperated. But the bassist simply kept quiet, leaving him no other choice but to continue.  
  
"The guy first showed up in the scene as a guitarist," the man eventually began, giving up. "He calls himself Hyde, and he... wasn't really anything special. But then, this band happened and he was nudged into the vocal position and the rumors exploded. Each one of them more ridiculous than the next. He sold his soul to the devil for his voice, he's not really a man, he has seduced more straight men than one can count, he bathes in virgin blood to become this beautiful, he's got a harem with a hundred fangirls in it, he's a damn vampire and that's why he's so pale... I wouldn't even mention them, but let me tell you Tetsu, that man is more trouble than he's worth."  
  
Instead of being put off by these "rumors", Tetsu couldn't help but feel amused by the whole thing and the way it seemed to frustrate his ever unmovable companion.  
  
"Why? Because his mermaid choir keeps everyone up at night and the neighbors might sue?" He asked, jokingly, but his friend just frowned more.  
  
"Because people that get so many rumors about them normally bring some really troublesome baggage with them. I know he looks like an innocent angel with a voice of a star on that stage, and I'm sure he's charming enough in person, but think good and long before approaching him, Tetsu. You know I can wade through rumors well and recognize crap from the truth. I wouldn't bother you with this bullshit but..." Tetsu's friend looked outright troubled for a moment. "I just don't have enough information to state this as a fact, but I think that part about him being a player that finds seducing other men a challenge might not be too far from the truth. And if it is, it's only a matter of time until it all blows up and his reputation goes to the gutter. And if you recruit him, yours will go down with his."  
  
Tetsu still looked incredibly skeptical and the other man just sighed.  
  
"Do as you will, Tetsu, if anyone can handle him, I guess it's you. But don't come to me complaining if you only succeed in becoming his newest victim."  
  
Tetsu barely refrained from scoffing. His friend should know better than to warn him about something like that - Tetsu had no illusions about what kind of rumors the other had heard about  **him**. At least he was right about one thing - if anyone could handle recruiting such a person as this Hyde was shaping up to be, it would be one Ogawa Tetsuya.  
  
  
Hyde | Tetsu  
   0    |    0


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 1**  
  
At a certain point of a band's existence, the members realize that as cute and harmless as their fans look, and as much as they appreciate them, it's crucial to keep some distance from them. It's half survival instinct, half an unavoidable PR move and, for a person who needs to get in contact with them for whatever reason that is  **not** worshiping the ground they walk on, it's one hundred percent a pain in the ass.  
  
Fortunately, Tetsu never had a problem with going through some of his connections to get into whatever place he wanted to get in. He was ready to pull on every string he had to in order to get a chance to speak with Hyde after he bid goodnight to his friend that evening. But, even more fortunately, he did not need to. It seemed that as much fame as they'd already acquired, Jerusalem's Rod was still perfectly alright with remaining in everyone's view after the show, opting for socializing with everyone interested instead of disappearing as most of the more 'mature' bands did.   
  
It worked out perfectly for Tetsu, who used the opportunity to follow them to a nearby club. After a few minutes of thinking over the information he had and strategizing, he finally saw that Hyde had been left alone (and approachable) for a moment. Taking the beer that he'd been sipping those last few minutes with him, he went to talk with the man that caught his attention so entirely that evening.  
  
Hyde noticed his approach very quickly and was already smiling at him indulgently when Tetsu finally came to a stop near him. But the bassist clearly noticed the judging look he was given at the same time, even if the singer tried to hide it. And when Tetsu was about to speak, he had not even opened his mouth yet when Hyde beat him to it.  
  
"Does it really take that much courage to approach me?" The vocalist asked gently if a little bit to amused while nodding towards the bottle in Tetsu's hand. "I don't bite, I swear," he added and, with a mental chuckle, Tetsu crossed the vampire rumor off his list.  
  
It might seem like a fairly narcissistic thing for Hyde to say, but Tetsu saw some of the fans approach the beauty that was now before him and he knew the man was just being realistic by assuming that Tetsu needed to get some alcohol in his system in order to come talk with him. Not that this necessarily meant that the man  **wasn't** a narcissist, Tetsu added in his mind. Just that he had valid reasons to be one. Making some final additions to his plan, Tetsu did his best to look as sincerely embarrassed as he could without being able to blush at will.  
  
"I, uh..." he said, creating himself a perfectly fanboy-ish image in Hyde's mind, he was sure. "My name is Tetsu," he introduced himself in the end. Hyde nodded.  
  
"Most call me Hyde," he said in return and the smile did not waver.  
  
"I'm trying to create a band," Tetsu said, letting some of his actual confidence leak into his voice so that the singer wouldn't outright laugh him off as a teen with delusions of grandeur. "I already have a guitarist and I, myself, am a bassist and I just saw you guys on stage tonight..." he trailed off, letting Hyde finish the sentence himself. The singer's smile gentled even more and Tetsu knew that had a girl been standing in his place, she'd have been melted into a squealing puddle by it. Tetsu did his best to imitate one.  
  
"Do you want to speak with our drummer, then? I'm quite sure I don't want him to be stolen from us, however," the joking voice of the singer was perfectly polite and with a healthy dose of humbleness added. It honestly seemed as if the idea that someone would be trying to recruit  **him**  was alien to Hyde. In fact, the singer seemed very friendly and completely harmless. But even without his friend's warning, Tetsu could see that the innocent facade hid very sharp fangs behind it, even if only proverbial.  
  
"Oh, getting to speak with him would be great," Tetsu did not fake the excitement - the drummer of Jerusalem's Rod did not seem like he would be a bad addition to his work-in-progress band either, "but I was more interested in talking with  **you** ," he finished pointedly. The smile that statement was met with had a tinge of sadness to it.  
  
"As flattering as I find the sentiment, I'm sure you could find someone better than me to join you," the long-haired man said, turning to sip his own drink for a moment before turning back, his face adorned by a full smile again. "Though it's a pity to turn down someone like you, I must confess."  
  
There it was.  **This**  was what Tetsu had been expecting from Hyde after the conversation he had with his "local rumor expert" friend. In what seemed like a completely effortless change, Hyde suddenly looked to be outright oozing with seemingly unintended attractiveness. The guard-less and innocent demeanor, the seductive feminine charm and hypnotically ethereal beauty were all leaving no chance for a helpless fan or, really, any helpless human to resist it. From that moment on, it was obvious that the singer's attention was caught and he had started spinning his web. Fortunately, Tetsu was  **not**  helpless and he noticed what was happening immediately. He did not, however, ever intend to resist it.  
  
"I really doubt that," he answered, almost succeeding in blushing. The singer blushed for real. He was really good at this acting thing.  
  
"Thank you, but I know there are people that are much better than me in this. I'm sure soon this strange fascination that my band leader has with my voice will be gone and I'll be back to where I've started. I've learned not to rely on it."   
  
'...since I've never sold my soul to the Devil for it,' Tetsu finished in his head for his own, private amusement. In reality he was all too aware that no matter how much of what Hyde said was the truth, the only reason the singer was revealing it in the first place was carefully calculated and was probably to garner pity, get the attention. To seem even more harmless. The bassist was starting to really marvel at the skill the singer wielded. If Hyde really viewed this as a challenge, he was doing a damn good job at conquering it.  
  
"Are you sure there's nothing I can do to convince you?" Tetsu persisted, pretending to try to not show that he was getting interested in other things than just Hyde's voice.  
  
"Are you sure you  _want_  to convince me?" The singer asked almost playfully and Tetsu's face morphed into expression that made it look like he had no idea why he  **wouldn't**  be sure. Hyde smiled again and reached for his drink again. "I'm rather tired after the live, Tetsu-san. To be honest, right now I'd rather be convincing you to join me for a few beers instead of making any important decisions. You seem like an interesting guy. Unfortunately, my bandmates' understanding of entertainment leaves much to be desired and I have a feeling I'd have much more fun if you would hang around," he said, not suggestively because that would ruin the image he was trying to create, but still making it sound incredibly tempting.  
  
"I don't really have any other plans tonight," Tetsu answered after a moment of faked deliberation. His voice sounded a tad excited. It added up to the image up  **he**  was trying to create.  
  
*****************************************  
  
It was a treat to observe Hyde setting his trap into motion. He engaged Tetsu in interesting conversation, both just between the two of them and with infrequent additions of other people, mainly other members of Jerusalem's Rod. He flirted and managed to look oblivious that he was doing it. He danced exactly the way that showed off his beauty in the best possible way. He let Tetsu take the lead and was never hesitant to act more feminine than others would find appropriate. And most importantly... he ordered drinks. A lot of them. For both of them. In other words, he was trying to get Tetsu drunk and pretended to become rather helplessly inebriated himself. Tetsu seamlessly followed his lead.  
  
They outlasted all of their acquaintances or friends in the club and Tetsu was about to get restless about it going nowhere when Hyde returned after dancing with yet another random woman and collapsed on a nearby bar stool in a decidedly final manner, the alcohol he presumably consumed providing the perfect excuse for him leaning to rest his head tiredly and drunkenly on Tetsu's shoulder.  
  
"I'm sloshed, Tetchan," he slurred. Any formalities between them had already been flung out the window much earlier that evening. "I wanna go home."  
  
Tetsu knew his cue when he heard one.  
  
"Will you get there okay by yourself?" he asked, also faking a slight slur, but still managing to look less drunk than Hyde did. Hyde was most likely counting on that after all. This was quite fun.  
  
"Would you take me there if I told you no?" was the mumbled answer back and Tetsu smiled genuinely. Hyde seemed so tiny and helpless right then, no man in his right mind would be able to leave him to deal with his predicament alone. For a moment, he let his own guard slip and just stared at the pure beauty at his side.  
  
"You'll have to tell me where you live then," he said, trying to stand up in preparation of leaving, Hyde rising with him because of how dependently he'd been hanging on to him.  
  
"It's not far. We can walk," he mumbled again, staring at Tetsu now from a disconcertingly small distance when the bassist finished his latest drink and fished out some money to pay for it, ignoring the knowing look the barman threw his way in response.  
  
"Let's go then," he said, snaking an arm around Hyde's waist to support the almost dead-weight of the singer, leading them out of the club.  
  
The slightly cool spring night air helped Tetsu mostly shake off whatever real drunkenness he was feeling and he was thus able to discern Hyde's mangled directions to his apartment. It took them about eighteen minutes to walk (stumble) to the old and beaten up building - not unlike one Tetsu himself resided at this time - that the singer's apartment was in and another six for them to drag themselves up the stairs. There was no sign of a working elevator in the vicinity, not that it was surprising in any way.  
  
"Are you going to be okay now?" Tetsu asked in a whisper while Hyde fumbled with his keys, first trying to find the right one and then struggling to fit it into the keyhole. He paused when he heard the question.  
  
"You're gonna leave?" He asked, holding his eyes unnaturally wide in a way suited for someone as drunk as he was supposed to be.  
  
"If you're alright then I should..."

"That's stupid!" Hyde slurred. "I've enough place for both of us, and it's late and you shouldn't go, because that's stupid."  
  
Not the most logical argument ever, but Tetsu shouldn't be in a state to require one. He took the keys from the singer's hands and made an attempt to put it into the keyhole. Dismissing the one Hyde had picked out as a wrong one, he picked the most likely looking one from the remaining few and inserted it without a problem this time.  
  
"I guess I'm sleeping over then," he said, smiling and opening the door.

Stepping into the apartment Tetsu noted, through slight lingering daze of inebriation, that there was a distinct lack of a harem with a hundred girls residing in the tiny place. Instead, it was surprisingly empty and clean, with only very few personal belongings scattered anywhere in sight. Tetsu did not know what he had been expecting, but he knew it wasn't really something like this. He shook the feeling off and turned towards his host for the night instead.  
  
"Can you point me towards the toilet? I think the beer wants out," he said and Hyde just silently pointed in the needed direction as he continued to just lean on a wall near the entrance with his eyes closed. Tetsu thanked him in a whisper and went off, his mind taking the few minutes of soltitude to work in overdrive and try to get his footing back in the situation.  
  
In his mind, he admitted to himself that the day had gone far from how he expected it to go when he woke up that morning. And while he might know exactly what he was getting into now, a few doubts about how worth it all was continued to plague him through the evening. However, every time they did, he'd remember just how stunning Hyde had been on that stage and the doubts would evaporate without a trace. He knew he wanted, no, needed Hyde to join his band.  
  
As he was about to leave the bathroom Tetsu absentmindedly noticed the lonely shower stall in it. No bath. So no bathing in virgin blood for Hyde then. Tetsu snorted at his own silliness, his serious mood disappearing together with his doubts.   
  
When he returned, he was immediately cornered by Hyde, armed with... a bottle of water?  
  
"Drink," the tiny and beautiful man said, pushing the bottle towards Tetsu's chest, forcing him to take it, "You have to drink a lot after you drink a lot... That is, I mean..." he stumbled in his explanations and Tetsu considered that maybe Hyde really was a bit more drunk than he had assumed he would be, considering how sincerely tangled he became in his own words. "It'll make you feel better... less bad, that is, tomorrow," Hyde eventually finished and Tetsu didn't bother to hide his amusement.  
  
"If you say so," he conceded and drank under the watchful and still unnatural wide-eyed gaze of the singer. When he was satisfied, the singer took the bottle back from him and put it on the ground. Tetsu was curious what Hyde would do next, but he did not really expect the singer to move back closer to him and just lean onto his chest again.  
  
"I thought you seemed to be feeling a bit better," Tetsu noted, but Hyde did not move at all.  
  
"I am. You're just so comfortable, it's far too tempting to just stay like this," the singer explained with a fittingly drunken sounding logic. Tetsu's arms moved to hold the man almost automatically, supposedly to steady him. He was startled again, however, when Hyde suddenly looked up and their faces were suddenly very close together. "Does it bother you? I know I'm strange. I should back away, shouldn't I?"  
  
The singer was suddenly looking apologetic and insecure and actually tried to move away, but Tetsu's hands did not weaken their hold of his body. After all, Tetsu was supposed to be clueless about what was  **really**  going on, not about what he should do  **now**. Hyde counted on him to be hooked already and Tetsu was not going to disappoint him.  
  
"It doesn't bother me," he said gently and Hyde looked back up at him with a rather adorably surprised look on his face. "It feels comfortable for me too," it sounded appropriately infatuated and it was the truth. It worked perfectly. The man in his arms stood on his tiptoes to bring their faces close enough for them to almost touch and whispered against his lips.  
  
"I have a spare futon somewhere, but it's an annoyance to have to get it ready. Would you be okay sleeping in the same bed as me?" Even while his shy demeanor remained, he no longer tried to keep up the pretenses and with the situation they were in, Tetsu figured it was just as well.  
  
"I think that would be comfortable as well," he whispered back and bent the remaining distance down.  
  
Unsurprisingly, Hyde tasted of alcohol. Alcohol and cherries from the dessert that the singer had ordered in the club on a whim. But with their lips touching so softly together and their tongues sliding so sensually against one another, the sense of taste seemed to matter so much less than the **feeling**. Tetsu felt like he was drowning and even as Hyde surrendered to him the control over the kiss, slumping shivering in his arms, Tetsu felt like  **he**  was the one losing control instead. Reminding himself that it hardly mattered at this point, he just gave in and enjoyed the sensations that the more than perfect kiss gave him.  
  
"The bedroom?" He asked a little breathlessly when the kiss broke off and Hyde tilted his head in the right direction. They carefully maneuvered themselves towards it, their hands sliding over each other's bodies the whole time. Hyde took advantage of his position as the shorter one to kiss and lick Tetsu's exposed neck. By the time they landed on the small bed, both of their eyes blazed with desire and their hands chaotically sought to remove the other's clothes, while their lips and mouths locked in another devouring kiss.  
  
Since they were rushing so much, naturally  their quest for nakedness took longer than it normally would. However, at long last they both breathed out a sigh of relief when the last obstructing article was gone and they could align their bodies perfectly, skin against skin. In the back of his mind Tetsu removed the last errant rumor from the list as he found undeniable evidence of the singer's being a man.  
  
However, this particular man was absolutely content in letting the bassist control the pace. Tetsu soon had him quivering beneath himself as he showered all parts of his body with attention in a seemingly random order that left Hyde gasping for air. But every once in a while a caress, or a moan, or a particularly erotic and visually pleasing arch of the singer's back would pull Tetsu back into reality and remind him of just how familiar Hyde probably was with these bodily pleasures. And he couldn't keep his mind from conjuring less than pleasant thoughts even while Hyde worked his magic on his body. Just how many men had he fooled like this already? How many had he seduced with soft looks, feminine touches and deceivingly submissive gestures? How many had he taken down as just another challenge, just like he believed he was doing now?  
  
But it didn't really matter, because Tetsu hadn't been fooled and he did come here knowing what to expect. When Hyde shyly rolled them over and slid down his body planting kisses and licks and brushes of fingers over Tetsu's tingling body, the bassist abandoned himself to the sensations fully knowing what it would eventually lead to. He could do nothing but celebrate Hyde's expertise when the singer went down on him and deepthroated him with an ease Tetsu had never experienced before.   
  
But he also continued to read Hyde with an unprecedented ease himself and when Hyde rose back up just before Tetsu was about to release and looked down at him with a strange expression on his face, the bassist recognized the significance and inched his own legs wider in an offer with a willingness that Hyde surely did not expect, judging by the expression that immediately showed on his face  
  
One part naivete, one part confidence and one part susceptibility to Hyde's feminine qualities was what Tetsu calculated he would need to get what he wanted. He had been right. He looked up to look at the slightly widened by surprise eyes and let a smirk worm its way onto his face.   
  
"This  _is_  the time when you manipulate me to spread my legs for you, right? I just thought I'd save you the trouble."  
  
Hyde's expression froze and Tetsu's smirk widened. With the rules this game had, he was quite sure that he had just won.  
  
  
  
Hyde | Tetsu  
   0    |    1


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 2**  
  
Hideto Takarai was an average man with a very average set of skills.  
  
It took a long time for him to admit that. Most of his life he was accompanied by an incredible amount of luck that made it possible for him to get whatever he wanted, get by without working much for anything and evade stuff he did not want to deal with, all the time making it appear as if he did it on purpose, by intention. At some point he even started believing himself that he was special. But that was before he recognized it for what it really was. And it was, really, just pure luck.  
  
However, it never helped him when it came to something important, something that he  **really** wanted. He had glided through most of his life without the slightest glitch, always lucky enough to have enough talent in whatever he needed at a particular moment. But at critical times in his life, whenever he started to sincerely make plans for his future, he ended up watching all of his dreams slip away from him. His art, his guitar, the unnameable slew of things before that. He was always good, he was never good enough. His luck was never lucky enough.  
  
It made him bitter and skeptical. He could no longer believe that anything would last, that he'd ever get far enough with anything. His voice? What a joke.  **He**  had never considered it to be anything special. When the proposal came he took without sparing it a second thought. He knew it would get old quickly enough. People will get bored with it and he'll be left at square one once again, before he could begin getting comfortable.  
  
All he had ever excelled in was being the prettiest face in the crowd. Gathering the shallow and temporary attention of the moment, the lustful gazes of the night. Nothing more.  
  
But once he'd realized that, he grabbed on to that thought.  **This**  he could perfect, **this**  shallow and obscene talent he could polish to the level of a master. To himself, if to no one else, he could prove that he had his worth in something. And if, because of his doing this, in the eyes of others his worth would get lower even more - so be it. There was little left to damage anyway, he was sure.  
  
The idea, bordering on insane in its desperation, ensnared him entirely and he proceeded to live by it. Almost feverishly he worked on his skills of being noticed, being seen, being wanted. Becoming the best lover anyone could dream of. Another day, another body he had satisfied, another proof that in  **this** , he could still get whatever he wanted. That he was the top player.  
  
Until tonight. Until Tetsu.  
  
 _I just thought I'd save you the trouble_.  
  
It was not trouble. It was his life. His pride.   
  
It meant  **nothing**  if the other knew.  
  
He did not know how to deal with it. But he knew he could not give up. The silence and the stillness had dragged on long enough already.  
  
"That works for me," he whispered, giving up on denying the younger man's silent accusation before even trying to and concentrating on saving face instead. He leaned back down and pressed his lips against the heated skin of the other's torso as his breath carried more words towards the Tetsu's ears, "as long as we both still get what we want."  
  
"Oh, I'm sure we will."   
  
The smirk on the bassist's face, which he saw when he raised his eyes to it, told him without a doubt that Hyde was not convincing the other with this unaffected act of his. But he had nothing else to fall back to. His lips painted a trail down the glistering body, bestowing the kisses and licks on the parted thighs and he got a dull and diluted pang of satisfaction when that succeeded in tearing some pleasured moans from the mouth of the man that was now lying, so self-assuredly, under him.  
  
And suddenly, he felt so angry. So incredibly incensed at being out-maneuvered in his own game that he swore to himself that if nothing else, he'd make this the best sex in his entire life. If he had lost already...  
  
Shooting upwards he ignored the knowing look that passed over the bassist's face, knowing he'd only get more mad if he analyzed it, and reached towards his private stash of lube and condoms. It was a matter of seconds before he expertly opened the small packages and rolled the protective layers of rubber over both of their, rather impossibly, still raging erections and a matter of minutes until his nimble and amply lubed fingers got the other man stretched and ready for him.  
  
He felt some of his angry tension abating when the almost smug expression on the other's face slid off, giving way to one of pleasured abandon. Their eyes met a second before Hyde pushed past the tight ring of muscle, and as he slid inside Tetsu's heat, the bassist gave him a look of careful submission.  
  
A peace offering of sorts.  
  
And Hyde accepted it. Because whatever else they'll say to each other afterward, whatever other word games they will play, all that mattered at that moment was their tangled bodies and the quiver in his muscles as he thrust into the other. All he felt was the other's arms around him, drawing him impossibly closer, and the toe-curling sensation of his orgasm building inside him. Nothing was more important than the sound of impending climax getting more and more clear in Tetsu's moans and the steady rhythm of the hand which Hyde had wrapped around the bassist's erection.  
  
Their joint relief was blinding. Hyde couldn't refrain from sobbing in helpless pleasure as he thrust into the other's body for one last time and he could hear Tetsu's voice echoing his. The ecstasy coursed through his body in brain-numbing waves and he could feel the bassist trembling around him at the same lazy and overwhelmed rhythm.  
  
But as soon as sight returned to his eyes and he could breathe again, Hyde knew the brief period of truce was over. The magnitude of what had happened and what it meant for  **him**  rushed back into his mind and he withdrew from the other almost harshly, rolling away from the heaving body beneath him onto his side. Catching his breath, he dealt with the soiled condoms with a well practiced hand and collapsed back down again, perfectly content with avoiding the impending conversation if it meant he did not have to deal with what happened. He almost convinced himself that it didn't  **matter** since he still got one of the best fucks in his life from this. But Tetsu was obviously less reluctant to end the silence.  
  
"I must admit, you're quite good at this," the bassist said, still breathing quickly. Hyde's face twitched. The bastard. He  **must** know what it meant to the singer. Hyde forced his voice back to his neutrally silky tone.  
  
"Just  **quite**  good?" he asked. It came out half flirting, half joking. Without any hint of hurt. Simply perfect.  
  
To his surprise, the bassist sat up before answering and fixed him with a stare. There was pity in those eyes. Hyde wanted to close his own eyes so he wouldn't have to see it.  
  
"For all I know, you might be the best lover in all of Japan, Hyde-san, but that hardly matters when it completely lacks any kind of feeling except for anger and frustration," Tetsu said in a serious voice. "It was a great fuck, yes. It was quite good as sex."  
  
Hyde felt his face freeze for the second time that night, but forced himself to shake it off much faster this time.  
  
"Obviously, you've known what I was after since the beginning, Tetchan," he refused to give up the nickname on sheer principle. "You've made a fool of me. Are you satisfied now?" He made sure to sound absolutely dismissive about it and knew he succeeded when the bassist frowned at his words.   
  
Without any warning Tetsu stood up, unabashed about his nakedness and clearly unfazed by the feeling of excess lube dribbling down his thighs. He seemed not at all bothered about how he might look like this as he stared down at the man still lying on the bed. Hyde did not let their position intimidate him and he braced himself for whatever words would be coming.  
  
"I did not approach you because I wanted to have sex with you, Hyde. I do want you in my band."  
  
Hyde laughed. He was relieved when it did not sound hysterical in reality even though it sure as hell did in his head. In fact, he suddenly felt like he was regaining his equilibrium and looked back at Tetsu with as much incredulousness as he felt.  
  
"Very funny, Tetchan. I suppose you also want me to give up my promiscuous ways, do you not?" He made it obvious just how absurd he found the idea.  
  
"I'd like that, yes," the bassist answered in the same serious tone as before. Hyde openly snorted. "Hyde-san, you can't go around doing what you do and expect it to remain a secret for long. It's only me now, but if you continue this for much longer, everyone will hear about it soon enough."  
  
Hyde didn't even blink. If Tetsu had expected him to just crumble after the shock of before, he was in for a surprise himself.  
  
"Tetchan, it seems like you know enough about me to know of my normal... targeted audience," he said with a calm smile. There were reasons for his choice in that, after all. He did  **this**  because he was good at it. And if, in the process, he got to drag some of the men he slept with down a peg just by proving his superiority over them in this one base act... all the better for him. He never got to be better than anyone else otherwise. And also... "You must know quite well that no, so called, self-respecting straight man will go around complaining that he was fooled by some pretty guy and made to take it up his..."  
  
"And you think that is enough to keep your reputation safe?" Tetsu cut him off before Hyde could finish his crude remark and the singer felt as if he was truly gaining the upper hand in the conversation. It was obvious that the bassist had expected him to be at least a little shaken by having been so easily manipulated, but for some reason Hyde found that remaining calm was easier than he thought it would be.  
  
"Nope," he continued smiling, "I know well enough that it's only a matter of time until my reputation goes down the drain. So are  **you**  sure you really want me to join you despite that?" he asked, lounging carelessly on the bed, half of his naked body showing from beneath the blanket he had strewn over himself a little while ago.  
  
"You know that and yet you don't stop doing this?" Tetsu asked, clearly curious despite himself. Hyde shrugged.  
  
"I stopped caring long ago. I know I won't even get  **this**  far with anything else. So?" he asked, reminding Tetsu of his earlier question. The bassist stayed quiet for a while, lost in his thoughts. He had obviously been forced to rethink some of his plans from before.   
  
"I have enough resources to keep your reputation intact, if I want to," he said eventually, after seemingly coming to a decision. His voice still sounded a little subdued. "In fact, that's my promise to you, if you join. I'll make sure your... trysts won't come out to be public knowledge. Even if you don't care about your reputation, you'd still find it useful as people won't start shying away from you just because of it, right?"  
  
The singer was looking at him with an interested expression on his face now. He had not expected to get this much of a deal. And it was obvious that Tetsu was no longer pretending as well. He was no longer the shy boy that Hyde saw in the club. He was a confident man, fully believing what he was saying.  
  
"All this just for my voice?" Hyde asked finally, raising an eyebrow and now it was Tetsu that shrugged.  
  
"It's a really good voice," he said as if that explained everything and it probably did, for him. "Besides, I'm sure you'll get tired of living this way after some time."  
  
"I wouldn't bet on it," Hyde warned, a little amused and more than a bit skeptical. Tetsu just sighed and finally reached for his clothes.  
  
"Some day you'll find someone you'll actually fall in love with, Hyde-san. And then you'll look back at all of this and think it was the worst decision you've ever made to lead your life this way."  
  
"I sincerely doubt that," the singer answered, raising his body onto his elbows as he watched the younger man sorting out all the clothes strewn over the floor in search for his own. In all honesty, he barely even heard what the other said before dismissing it.  
  
"We'll see about that, Hyde-san," Tetsu conceded, finally with all of his clothes in his grasp. "For now, just let me know if we have a deal?"  
  
The singer frowned and met the other man's eyes for a few moments. It was as if the two of them were judging each other, and something about the conviction and readiness in Tetsu's gaze made Hyde nod.  
  
"We do."  
  
After all, why not agree to a deal that so obviously had far better conditions for him than it had for his future 'boss'? Of course, soon enough, Tetsu will realize that his voice was only subpar and Hyde will lose the place in his band. But for now, he was going to milk every single benefit from it that he could.  
  
"Welcome to L'Arc~en~Ciel then," Tetsu's voice woke him from his thoughts again.  
  
"L'Arc~en~Ciel?" Hyde asked confused.  
  
"That's the name of the band you just accepted to sing for," Tetsu explained, slightly tiredly. Hyde just nodded again. Silence descended over the room.  
  
"You already know where the bathroom is," the vocalist said finally, since the bassist would obviously want to clean up before leaving. And with the way things turned out, there was no longer any doubt that Tetsu would  **not**  be sleeping over as they had agreed on before. That seemed so long ago now, the time when keeping up his drunken appearance in front of his newest prey had been all Hyde was worried about.  
  
"I'll let myself out," the bassist answered and ducked out of the room.  
  
Hyde lied back down on his bed and let his lips curl into an almost smug grin. He still felt rather sick when he thought about how he had been played. But for now he brushed those thoughts away. He'd still get his chance to get back at Tetsu, even if he was not quite sure how he will do it. But for now...  
  
For now, he'd sleep peacefully with thoughts of the great deal he scored and how he obviously managed to get Tetsu promise him more than the bassist had been prepared to promise when he first entered the apartment. That was a sweet enough victory for him at the moment.  
  
Oh, and he'd have to figure out how to leave Jerusalem's Rod when the time came.  
  
Bugger that.  
  
  
  
Hyde | Tetsu  
   1    |    1


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 3**  
  
Leaving Jerusalem's Rod turned out to be even easier than Hyde thought it would be. The process turned out to involve a remarkably heated discussion which in turn included the use of the phrase "Fuck you" twenty three times on both sides (Hyde counted, because otherwise he would have been bored out of his mind). And then Hyde was free to go on his way, leaving only shambles of what used to be a band he belonged to behind, without a slightest twinge of remorse. He did not even bother slamming the door behind him when he left.  
  
Honestly, he did not really get what the big deal was about. It seemed to him now that the rest of Jerusalem's Rod thought it to be a much more serious business than  **he**  had ever considered it. A laughable idea, really, considering half of the band's complete lack of talent in what they were doing. Had Hyde actually been serious about pursuing a singer's career, he would have never chosen Jerusalem's Rod as the band to do it in. But as it was, it had been a band with reasonably easily manipulated members and it was exactly what Hyde had wanted in this period of his life.  
  
But joining Tetsu's band promised to give him even more than that, and that decided things for him very quickly. Especially as it would also provide him with an opportunity to be close to the bassist and hopefully, in time, he could get back at the infuriating man for outdoing him in his own game.   
  
He only hoped that Tetsu would not take too long to find them a drummer so they could get this L'Arc~en~Ciel of his up and running as quickly as possible. After all, even if he was not serious about it, Hyde  **did**  like the rush that standing and performing on the stage provided him with, and he told as much to the bassist when he met with him in another club later that same evening. Only he phrased it quite a bit differently: the guitarist that Tetsu brought with him for Hyde to meet - a pale faced man named Hiro that looked a little like a lost puppy to the singer - had no need to know his true colors after all. He was quite set on keeping that a secret, just as he had kept them a secret from the other members of Jerusalem's Rod.  
  
"Do not worry, Hyde-san, I actually already spoke with someone today," Tetsu answered him, apparently seeing no need to expose him to the guitarist either. "He seemed a little taken aback when I approached him, but I think I'll convince him soon enough."  
  
"Of course you will, Tetchan," Hyde said with a carefully concealed snort. Whatever his overall opinion of Tetsu was, he had no need to doubt the future leader's abilities of convincing. "I trust he's good?" He asked absentmindedly, not  **really**  caring for the answer. Knowing that Tetsu was trying to gather the best members he could, the answer was obvious enough to him.  
  
"He's more than adequate," the younger man answered with a strange note in his voice that immediately made Hyde put up his guard suspiciously, "His name is Pero, I think you might have heard him play a few times."  
  
Hyde froze at the familiar name, but then forced himself to relax after considering the news for a second. He figured that it didn't really matter. He still glared at the other man halfheartedly when he answered though, but made sure that the guitarist wouldn't see it.  
  
"It's quite fortunate that he's the one I insulted the least when I left Jerusalem's Rod today then. I would have thought he'd be reluctant to get back in a band with me either way though," he said, wonderingly. Tetsu smiled.  
  
"Which is why I haven't told him that you're my vocalist yet," he said, almost cheerfully and Hyde didn't quite know if he was appalled or amused by the news more. He settled for amusement.  
  
"For someone who's so serious about making it to the top, you sure like to play games a lot, Tetchan," He said nonchalantly, smiling charmingly at Hiro to soften his rather harsh words in the guitarist's mind. It seemed to work and the man blushed, distracted completely. He was quite adorable, really, Hyde thought to himself.  
  
"We each find our own ways to amuse ourselves, Hyde-san," Tetsu answered pointedly, but the singer ignored the offhand jab completely and Tetsu let it go as well without pushing it while Hiro remained oblivious altogether. Hyde could see this situation becoming the norm in the band very quickly.  
  
"Well, I don't know about you guys, but I have a long day waiting for me tomorrow, so if you don't have any questions?..." Tetsu said after a silent moment and, as if on cue, Hiro started to rise.  
  
"I think I'll be leaving as well," he said and Hyde thought it was probably the first time the man spoke that evening after being introduced. He seemed like the stereotypical shy and silent type of a person.  
  
"I'll stay for a while more," the singer said with a smile, but stood as well with the intention of going to mingle in the partying crowd now that the meeting was over. "There's this guy sitting by the bar that's been shooting glances my way the whole time we were here," he took the opportunity to whisper in Tetsu's ear with an unmistakable tone in his voice just before he nodded a farewell to the two men and turned around, stepping gracefully in the general direction of the dance floor.  
  
He did not need to see the vaguely disgusted look that Tetsu probably followed him with as he walked away to know it was there. He  **did**  amuse himself with the thought of how confused Hiro must have looked however. But any thoughts of that left immediately once he concentrated on his game for the night.  
  
*****************************************  
  
If Hyde had to describe Pero's reaction to his presence in the band that the drummer nevertheless agreed to join in two words, then those words would be  _ **'not thrilled**_ ''.   
  
Pero might have been the one member of Jerusalem's Rod that Hyde deemed to be the least incompetent and thus he did not receive as throughout a verbal mince-out as the others had when Hyde left the band, but there was still some understandable tension existing between the two men. Not that Hyde really cared but, though this had the additional bonus of seemingly annoy Tetsu a little, when it became clear that he'll probably be stuck in the band for a while, the singer came to a conclusion that he had no wish to spend so much time in an atmosphere so stiffening and ended up making some effort to reconciliate with the drummer.  
  
It worked out quite good, if he admitted it to himself, and as time passed he found himself grudgingly having fun. The four of them managed to create some not half bad music and when the lives finally came, Hyde was pleasantly surprised when their band quickly gained quite a bit of attention almost instantly.  
  
But as swallowed up as he inadvertently became in being the lead singer of L'Arc~en~Ciel, he never forgot the perks he got when he agreed to join the band and made use of them amply. Tetsu held true to his word and even though Hyde became even less careful with his 'side exploits', he never heard anything that suggested his reputation was in any danger. Even Hiro and Pero - the two people that had the most opportunities to catch on to his ways - were non the wiser of them even after months passed with them in the same band and Hyde had no idea how Tetsu managed  **that**.  
  
But he didn't complain. It was yet another kind of entertainment to watch the bassist clench his teeth every time he had the 'privilege' to see Hyde leave a club with yet another of his conquests.   
  
The singer never forgot how he felt when he found out that Tetsu fooled him the night they first met and continued doing his best to make Tetsu feel horrible in return. He knew that this would, eventually, end with Tetsu having enough and kicking him out. But he figured **that**  was just a matter of time anyway, so he at least vowed to be kicked out for something he thought to be worthy. And making Tetsu mad seemed more than a worthy cause.  
  
So gradually, Hyde began to test his limits more. And as fascinated as he was with Hiro's and Pero's cluelessness and  especially - with Hiro's naivete, he spent more and more time trying to gauge how much the bassist could gloss over for them to keep them oblivious. He tiptoed on the very limits of 'not-flirting' with the silent man, loving the blush he got for his effort every once in a while and always made sure that it looked unintended and innocent on his part as well. He was a pro at that after all.  
  
Tetsu was clearly aware of what was going on, but never interfered, obviously figuring that Hyde would never really cross the line. And Hyde himself honestly did not even notice when he accidentally opened the trap wide enough for Hiro to fall rather helplessly in. But one night, after the band members were having some fun in a bar, he suddenly realized that the guitarist was clumsily making a move on him and he slid into his usual role without giving it another thought.  
  
Tetsu was otherwise preoccupied when the two of them left. Hyde made sure of that, because he had a suspicion that this time, the bassist would not just grit his teeth and look away as readily as he normally did and let Hyde seduce someone he knew much better than he usually knew the people he bedded. Tetsu would have not allowed Hiro lead the singer so innocently and trustingly to his home, where Hyde wasted no time before lulling the guitarist with kisses and caresses into a false sense of security, a false sense that there were  **feelings**  involved in this. Tetsu would have done something to prevent this getting to the point where Hiro was moaning and gasping beneath the vocalist, beside his mind from the pleasure that Hyde took so much pride in giving him.  
  
But Tetsu was not there to do any of that.  
  
*******************************************  
  
Hyde had little when it came to preferences of whether to have sex in his home or in someone else's. But whenever he went somewhere else, he always made sure to leave before the morning came. He never liked giving explanations if he could help it and people normally got the right idea after waking up in an otherwise empty bed, saving him the trouble.  
  
He hated it when they woke up before he had a chance to leave.  
  
"Hyde-kun? Why are you getting up?" Hiro said, his eyes bleary from sleep as he tried to focus them on the singer's form in the darkness while the tiny man hurriedly dressed himself. Hyde almost felt pity for him. After all, anyone who believed that he would ever consider staying with them  **was** pitiful.  
  
"I like sleeping in my own bed better," he explained, his voice deceptively gentle. "Thank you for the sex, Hiro-kun. You were really good."  
  
There was no way to misunderstand words like these and from the slight widening of Hiro's eyes that Hyde noted just as he turned away and left, the guitarist realized their meaning just fine.   
  
Such a sweet thing, he probably never saw it coming. A hint of regret tugged on Hyde's heart, since he kind of liked the guitarist, but he shook the feeling effortlessly away.  
  
Hiro never showed up to band practices ever again.  
  
*****************************************  
  
"I know it's your fault that Hiro left," the bassist's voice held no anger. In fact, it was completely emotionless. "I know you used him. He was a  **friend** , Hyde. For more than a year he was your bandmate. Does that really mean so little to you?"  
  
Hyde yawned in response. The doorbell woke him from sleep and the cup of coffee he was now nursing had yet to begin working.  
  
"You're a cold-hearted bastard, Hyde," Tetsu continued when it became obvious Hyde wasn't going to say anything. The words sounded weird when said in a voice as empty as that. Even more, they sounded weird coming from Tetsu's mouth.  
  
"You know I will only take that as a compliment, don't you, Tetchan?" the singer finally spoke then, stifling another yawn. He wondered sleepily if this was the time when he was kicked out, but Tetsu just shook his head, almost sadly.  
  
"Just who are you trying to punish by doing this?" The bassist asked, exasperated and Hyde felt a weird surge of satisfaction at hearing frustration in the voice that he had learned was normally so hard to shake.  
  
"Isn't it obvious?" he answered, a cold smile playing on his lips, "You."  
  
Tetsu looked a little taken aback by the direct answer, but it only took him a second to compose himself again and frown at the singer.  
  
"Well then, Hyde-san, I guess you succeeded this time," he said, but he did not really sound defeated, just a little tired as he stood up to leave. "I wonder when you'll realize you're not doing yourself any favors with this either."  
  
Hyde decided not to dignify that with a response and just stared silently at his band leader, who sighed and shook his head once more.  
  
"Well, suit yourself. I have a guitarist to find and recruit, thanks to you," Tetsu then turned around to leave and despite his resigned words, he looked and sounded almost unnervingly confident.  
  
"I can play guitar, you know," Hyde threw after him, mocking laughter clear in his voice. But Tetsu did not even turn back before waving him dismissively off and Hyde narrowed his eyes.  
  
He knew he had won. He was just to sleepy to appreciate it right now.  
  
  
  
  
Hyde | Tetsu  
   2    |    1


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 4**  
  
It was obvious that Tetsu was trying to do his best leader impression. Hyde smirked. It always made him feel superior instead of intimidated when the bassist did that, especially since he knew that Tetsu only did it when Hyde had the upper hand in a situation.  
  
"There was nothing in our agreement about me staying away from other members of L'Arc~en~Ciel and you know it," the singer said in response to what the bassist said just a second ago, "I will make no such promise."  
  
Hearing this, the leader visibly bristled and let his discontentment seep through in his look at the vocalist.  
  
"I just thought I could appeal to your common sense. Seems like I was wrong," Tetsu said in a way that was probably supposed to make Hyde feel ashamed of himself, but just went right over the singer's head. "I expect you to be on time for tomorrow's practice. The new guitarist will be there."  
  
Having said that part, Tetsu did not linger in the singer's apartment for even a second more. It seemed the sole real purpose for his visit had been to ask Hyde to at least not screw around with the members of their band. But as the older man just said, Tetsu had never specified anything about it when they made the agreement for Hyde to join the band, and that was why the singer could get away with doing what he did to Hiro. And though initially Hyde did feel a tiny bit bad about how he had treated the guitarist, he was now more than ever convinced it had been worth it to see Tetsu's reaction.   
  
Moreover, at this moment Hyde was sure Tetsu made an even bigger miscalculation. After all, by coming to visit him and showing how much he cared about the issue, the bassist just made sure that Hyde would be  **set**  on pursuing the other members, just to see Tetsu squirm.   
  
Really, the only thing left to decide was who will be first: Pero or the new guy, whoever that was?   
  
Suddenly, Hyde was looking forward to tomorrow's practice much more sincerely than before and proceeded to go through the relationship he had with Pero in his head to decide just how much damage his earlier attitude towards the man had done for his prospects of seducing him.  
  
*********************************************  
  
His first thought was: 'A dork'  
  
His second thought was: ''Obviously straight. Looks like a hopeless womanizer and one of those "soul of a party" people. Judging from the look he's giving me, he's probably thinking that I'm a girl. Won't be thrilled after finding out otherwise. Doesn't have a big tolerance to alcohol, easy to get drunk, can use that. Not half bad looking, but could do with longer hair.'  
  
His third thought was: 'This will be easier than I thought.'  
  
He went through that sort of analysis in his mind with almost every person that he met, sometimes taking longer to read them, other times managing to do it faster. Sometimes he did it in more depth, other times he just got through the important stuff out of habit.  
  
With Ken - the guitarist Tetsu recruited for them who was also, it turns out, the bassist's childhood friend - the singer simply did not bother. The tall man seemed like an open book to read and the singer was sure he had him figured out already. And he did it even before the introductions were over.  
  
"....and Ken, this is Pero, our drummer," Tetsu continued in the meantime, waiting for a second as the two men went through obligatory bows. "And this here is Hyde, the man responsible for the vocals."  
  
The singer was waiting for the guitarist to guffaw or do something equally as ungraceful at finding out his gender and was just a second away from donning his most forgiving smile (quite necessary, if he was to make the dork relax around him) when he got his first surprise for the evening.  
  
"Ohh, such a pity I'm straight, with a pretty guy like you around," the tall man laughed off his surprise immediately, instead of letting his jaw drop as Hyde expected him to. "You wouldn't happen to have any sisters, would you, Hyde?"  
  
"N-no," the singer answered in his own surprise. Half a second later, however, he controlled himself and took up a far more appropriate for his purposes expression (he simply could not believe he had just  **stuttered!** ), but just as he was about to continue with a more intelligent answer, Ken was talking again.  
  
"Pity that, real pity. But I suppose you wouldn't introduce us even if you  **did**  have a sister, eh?" the guitarist said grinning, slapping the singer on the shoulder.  
  
'Does this idiot know the concept of personal space?' was Hyde's next thought, but there were things that bothered him far more than the casual way the other man treated him at that moment.   
  
He comforted himself with the fact that at least he had guessed right that the man was an obvious womanizer. But otherwise, Ken managed to completely lose Hyde by continuing to behave in ways the singer could never pre-empt through the whole evening.  
  
At some point, flabbergasted, Hyde cast a look in Tetsu's direction, trying to gauge what the hell was up with this weirdo Tetsu introduced as an old friend. But the bassist was otherwise occupied and seemed to not even notice Hyde looking at him, so the singer was left just as confused as before.   
  
He disliked not being in control of the situation, and he absolutely **hated**  losing control over himself. The new guitarist made him do that more than once that evening alone.  
  
Maybe dealing with Pero first was a better idea after all.  
  
However, even  **that**  soon turned out to be easier said than done. If there was one thing that Ken did even better than making Hyde confused, it was sucking everyone around him into his own pace. A couple of days after the tall man officially joined the band, the singer found his normally quite calm and lonely evening excursions to bars filled with annoyingly high-pitched and loud laughter as well as outrageously obscene jokes. And while he still managed to "fish around" for other people to "walk him home", Hyde found himself completely lacking any private time with Pero, despite the fact that Ken somehow managed to get both other members of Laruku to join them in clubs most of the time.  
  
After a couple of futile months of trying and getting completely frustrated, Hyde changed his plans again and refocused his efforts towards puzzling out Ken himself instead of pursuing Pero. Unfortunately for him, that turned out to be even more fruitless a pass-time. Even while his proficiency with guitar and song-writing was trying to suggest otherwise, Hyde was starting to honestly believe that Ken might be a complete retard.  
  
The guitarist managed to remain oblivious to even the most obvious of Hyde's suggestions and called the singer's direct prepositions "the best jokes he'd ever heard". On the contrary, other times he would flirt back (especially when drunk, which, as Hyde had correctly guessed, he'd become very quickly), but even when he was barely able to form sentences, the guitarist still managed to somehow evade all of Hyde's traps without batting an eye even once. It was infuriating.  
  
Probably the most incomprehensible for Hyde was the fact that Ken so successfully continued to slip out of his grasp  **despite** the fact that he was probably the most open minded heterosexual man he had ever met. Every once in a while, the guitarist would again bemoan just how unfortunate it was that Hyde was a man and on a couple separate occasions he even indirectly confessed to being slightly curious about "the other side" sometimes, all the while looking at Hyde. And yet...   
  
And yet...  
  
In his anger, Hyde punched a couch cushion and then kicked another one into the wall of his one-room apartment. At this point of time, a paranoid part of his mind was getting suspicious if this was not exactly what Tetsu expected to happen. Maybe he had  **counted**  on Hyde becoming obsessed with other members of Laruku. Perhaps, that day he came to talk with him  **because**  he knew Ken would make it so impossible a goal? Maybe that was the leader's way of distracting him from his usual adventures? He had, after all, been reducing his other escapades to a bare minimum lately, as he was otherwise preoccupied. Tetsu and Ken  **were**  childhood friends - they knew each other really well. Could it really be that the bassist had cleverly planned this out from the beginning?  
  
Impossible. He was just letting frustration get to him, the idea was just too far-fetched to be true. Sure, never before did he have so much trouble getting anyone give him what he wanted (most of his conquests commenced in one night after all), but that was no reason to give up or think up excuses for himself. Maybe he should try with Pero one more time?  
  
He locked the part of his mind that whispered it was not good if he started toss his efforts from one man to another in the same, deep and dark corner of his mind as he did his paranoia.  
  
****************************************************  
  
The last nail in the coffin of his plan to bed his bandmates came two months later, completely unexpectedly, in the form of an announcement from Pero.  
  
"I'm quitting the band."  
  
The other people in the room paused their after-live clean up and looked at the muscular man with identically widened eyes.  
  
"What?" Hyde finally croaked out, his mind racing, "You can't just  **leave**  now!"   
  
'Not when I can't take credit for it yet' was supposed to be the finish of the sentence, however he wisely kept that to himself. If he read correctly, however, it seemed that Tetsu knew what he meant by saying that as well as  **he**  did and a smile, that had no place on the bassist's face after the news they were just dealt with, flashed on it in a way that only the singer caught it.  
  
"I can, and I am," the drummer shot back calmly, completely unperturbed. "I got an invitation to join the band Hiro is playing in right now. I think it will suit me better."  
  
Tetsu finally spoke then and Hyde caught himself almost sighing in relief - surely the leader would stop Pero from leaving? He almost choked when he heard the bassist's actual words however.  
  
"If you're sure about it?" Tetsu asked in a slightly sad voice, but with no sign of trying to talk the other out of it.  
  
"I am. I had time to think it through very well," the drummer answered and Hyde distractedly noted his tone was much nicer when he was talking with the bassist than when he was talking to him.  
  
"This will bring a lot of problems..." Tetsu continued, finally showing some concern at the news, but still no sign of panicking. Was this really the man that was normally so passionate about his band? Besides the moment of Pero's initial announcement, Tetsu showed no surprise at all. Had he been expecting this? Hyde felt a little surreal.  
  
"I'm sorry," Pero apologized sincerely and Hyde wondered if he was, maybe, just dreaming that this was happening. If only because Ken - their guitarist, who dropped out of is studies in a university and completely ruined his relationship with his family just to join this band - seemed to be taking the news without any protests of his own as well.  
  
"I'll deal with it somehow," the bassist answered and Ken nodded on the side.  
  
"Want to get a drink together one more time?" Hyde finally woke from his stupor and suggested with his most good-wishing and innocent smile, even as he felt a little faint. If he got just one more chance,  **surely**  he could...  
  
"No, sorry, I should just go home tonight," the drummer answered, gathering the last of his stuff and with a few rounds of final good-wishes and see-yous, he was gone.  
  
"Well those were really unwanted news," Ken muttered after a few minutes of dead silence passed. "But judging by your reaction, you're not too worried, so I trust you really  **will**  deal with this without trouble?"  
  
The question was very obviously directed at Tetsu and the bassist rather unconcernedly muttered something in affirmative. The leader wasted no time and was now finishing his own cleaning up.  
  
"Are you okay, Hyde? You seem really shocked," Ken turned to the singer then, and Hyde blinked himself out of his stillness. There was genuine concern in the guitarist's eyes, and out of now completely ingrained habit, Hyde latched on to it.  
  
"It's just... This is such a bad time to lose a drummer, and I don't know how you all can be so calm about it," his voice automatically gained an insecure and overly concerned tone. For an even better effect, he sank further into his seat and looked down.  
  
"Don't worry, if Tetsu says he'll figure it out, then he will," the guitarist answered soothingly. He got close enough to give Hyde a couple of pats on the head, but stepped away again too soon for Hyde to make any other possible move.  
  
"Go home and sleep your concern away. Always works for me," the tall man continued, as he hauled his guitar case on his back and then straightened out again, "If it doesn't, we can go out tomorrow and have some fun?"  
  
"Sounds great," the singer answered with his most bedazzling smile. Even his best effort, however, did not make Ken hesitate for even one moment before bidding goodnight and leaving as well. Feeling absolutely disheartened, Hyde now curled in on himself on his chair in real concern.  
  
"Does everything you ever do has to have sexual innuendos tied to it?" Hyde suddenly heard Tetsu's voice from behind him and he startled, because he had for some reason thought that the leader already left and he was alone. It took him a moment to figure out that the man meant his way of talking with the two other members before they left, and he immediately put up is guard again before Tetsu's next words. "Because here's a flash for you - you're starting to become really boring."  
  
The singer frowned at the words and absentmindedly straightened out the concert gown he was still wearing, stalling for time without even knowing why. It wasn't like the bassist's opinion really meant anything to him, right?   
  
In the end, his answer was driven by the need to prove that unreasonably important truth to himself more than anything:  
  
"Then why do you not just kick me out of the band?" He made sure that the sentence was dripping with indifference.  
  
"Is that what you're waiting for?" the bassist asked as he came to stand in front of him, his tone becoming much more gentle and Hyde could now sense his most hated emotion - pity - in it. "Because unlike you, Hyde, all  **I**  do has something to do with my  **band**. And I won't ever kick you out because you are good for it. Admit it to yourself for once, Hyde. You  **are**  a part of L'Arc~en~Ciel. It's your band as well now. It's no longer just a... phase in your life that will be over any time - it  **is**  your life."  
  
For once in his life, Hyde could not find the words to deny that with.  
  
"And for the record, since we're talking about this already... that "real" persona that you're trying to pull, this person that you become after the innocent-but-seductive you disappears, the cold and domineering one..."  
  
"The slut," the singer supplied, with a certain feeling of pride in the title, but Tetsu brushed it off.  
  
"Yes, yes, the slut, the man-whore, the cold bastard, whatever you like to be called most... And yet, you still worry about the people you use feeling bad after you're done with them and offer water for them to dull their hangovers..."   
  
Tetsu trailed off and Hyde was taken aback by the sudden reminder of their own first meeting. It seemed so long ago now and they've never really spoken about it after the night itself. But as unexpected as that was, he still found a fitting response.  
  
"I'm just worried they might puke by my bed should they stay for the night."  
  
"Whatever, Hyde. The thing is, I really don't believe that's the real you," Tetsu was beginning to really confuse Hyde by where he was going with this. But the bassist met his eyes even more insistently and continued. "I hurt you Hyde. I know that. I'm sorry if that helps. But move on already. You're not behaving rationally anymore. You haven't been doing that for two years already."  
  
Tetsu's words were blunt and to the point, and his tone was in no way coddling either. Hyde found himself speechless for the second time and even as his mind remained blank for what to say, it still tried to excuse himself that he was just caught unawares.   
  
But Tetsu did not wait for him to recover before finally turning to leave as well.  
  
"Oh, and by the way," the bassist looked back just as he was about to exit through the door. "Ken-chan is not an idiot. Just in case you were wondering."  
  
Hyde's heart almost stopped as he was forced to face yet another unpleasant bit of information. Tetsu was obviously implying that Ken had seen through him and knew exactly what he was up to, dealing with it in his own, unique way and with surprising ease. Tetsu probably brought Ken in because he  **knew**  the guitarist would know what to do.   
  
Hyde had been played by the bassist once again.  
  
"You just lost a drummer," was his last feeble attempt to stump the younger man at least a little bit down, but the leader just smiled.  
  
"So?" he asked, shrugging, "I'll just find another one."  
  
And then Tetsu left, closing the door gently behind him. And Hyde was left there considering his words, but possibly not in the way Tetsu thought he'd be...  
  
For some reason, among all the shocks of the evening, Hyde's mind decided to zoom in on the fact that he  **had**  been a part of this band for close to two years already. He had been a vocalist for almost three. What the hell did that mean? Why did Tetsu's little dream-band had swallowed him in so completely that he had not even realized how much time had passed while he continued to stay in it?  
  
Was Tetsu right and L'arc~en~Ciel, perhaps, had become  **his**  band as well?...  
  
Could he possibly... continue singing?  
  
  
  
Hyde | Tetsu  
   2    |    2


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 5**  
  
Things changed.  
  
They couldn't possibly stay the same after what had been done, said and revealed in that conversation between Tetsu and Hyde that lasted no more than a few minutes, but ended up having such a deep impact. The only problem: Hyde was not sure in which way things should change. And more importantly - how he  **wanted**  them to change. Especially when life continued dealing him with surprises.  
  
Ken came over to his apartment the next day and, though the singer expected the guitarist to chew him out now that there was no need for pretense between the two of them, the older man just smiled and told him he was there so they could go and hang out, just as he had promised yesterday. Hyde was so taken aback that he did not even think before agreeing to hit the clubs.  
  
The tall man continued to act as if nothing happened, even though there was a mutual understanding that both of their cards were in the open by now. It just made Hyde more confused when he realized he didn't know if he should take offense at the fact that Ken apparently viewed the whole thing with amusement instead of the seriousness that Hyde himself took it with, or just be relieved. The thought that maybe Ken was a  **real friend**  struck him one night, and the idea was so alien to him that he simply didn't know how to deal with it.  
  
Tetsu was on a whole another level of confusing to the singer. No matter what, Hyde was still sure he didn't want to forgive the bassist and that he did not want to stop making Tetsu deal with the problemshe  **caused**. But on the few occasions he saw the younger man, Tetsu did not, in any way, continue attacking Hyde's ways or views. In fact, the bassist was... encouraging. Forgiving. As if he was giving Hyde all the time in the world to consider his options. And so that was what he did.  
  
Though he admitted to himself that maybe he could, after all, be more serious about singing (singing in Laruku even) than he ever thought he'd be able to be about any occupation, he was still, more than ever actually, stubborn to not let Tetsu come out of this as the one who was right in the end. A part of him was so fixated on making Tetsu pay, so **used**  to being fixed on that, even if he no longer knew why that was so. He just wanted Tetsu to look at him again with those angry eyes. Whenever that happened, it felt almost empowering to him.  
  
That was one of the reasons why he didn't change his ways of "socializing" even after that way of life took yet another low blow from the bassist. Another reason was that he felt that by giving up he would be undermining what he managed to achieve in it up until now. He knew that it would simply be too hard for him to change, because it was just what  **he**  was. And the biggest reason of all was: he did not want to give it up. And he could  **allow**  himself not to.  
  
However, when it came to the way he planned on interacting with his bandmates and especially the new member that Tetsu promised them he'd find...  
  
"The name is Sakura," Tetsu said at an impromptu band meeting one day, at a diner somewhere in the midway between the three of the Laruku members' apartments, "He lives in Tokyo, so we're going there as well," the words were simple and allowed no disagreements so obviously Hyde had to speak up.  
  
"Just like that? Didn't think to speak with us before making that decision?" Hyde tried to bite with his words, but Tetsu looked at him with the most dismissive look the singer had ever experienced.  
  
"It was always obvious we'd have to move there sooner or later, I see nothing for you to be surprised about here," he said, throwing a look Ken's way just to see if he agreed and the guitarist shrugged in response. "Besides, I would have thought you would be thrilled about the change of scenery. As far as I've seen, you pretty much sucked the clubs in Osaka dry by now."  
  
That was the most double-meaning comment that Hyde had heard from Tetsu in a long time, not to mention the first time his habits were mentioned so openly in front of Ken, even if the oldest of them didn't act like he noticed that at all. The words were true enough though, and Hyde had no other complaints about their sudden change of base.   
  
Thus when it came to his plans for the new member that Tetsu indeed  **had**  found them.. He guessed he should stay away.  
  
\----------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Sakura turned out to be a very different person from everyone that had been a Laruku member before - that Hyde realized the second he saw the drummer. Dark to the point of making everyone stop and stare, silent to the point of making everyone stop and **listen** , he was a person Hyde knew he would be all over the second he saw him if they met at a club, in different circumstances. They were what they were, however, and Hyde found himself greeting the extremely well-built man in a far less flirtatious manner.  
  
"Glad to met you," he said with a smile as neutral as he could muster. He was so unused to being  **not** in the act, that this felt far less natural to him by now, "I hope you'll like it with us."  
  
The drummer just nodded in response, but Hyde knew he wasn't trying to be rude by it. It was just the way this Sakura clicked and despite himself, Hyde immediately felt even more drawn to him.   
  
Even Ken barely managed to get a smile and a word from the serious drummer, but it was only halfway through the meeting that Hyde realized it wasn't just because Sakura was being cool. He was, in spite of appearances, actually quite shy. He managed to stay humble even after he bashed the hell out of his drums and proved it was not by chance that their ever planning-forward and serious-business leader recruited him.  
  
"You're wonderful," Hyde said from his perch on a chair when the demonstration/jamming session was over and the awe in his voice was not faked at all, "I used to play drums, but hearing people like you makes me remember just why exactly I realized it was impossible for me to be anything but a relatively mediocre drummer."  
  
He was so fascinated by what he just heard that even talking about one more of his past failures did not ruin his mood.  
  
"I'm sure you're being too hard on yourself." It was the longest sentence the drummer uttered that night and was followed by his second smile and the singer found himself smiling in return as well as fighting off a completely unacceptable blush.  
  
Trying to break the atmosphere that he had not planned on creating, Hyde threw a glance Tetsu's way to see how the bassist was taking the conversation, but found that the leader was giving him a glance of his own. There was no way to misinterpret it either - Tetsu was breaking his impromptu one-sided truce to tell Hyde 'Touch him, go  **near**  him at all and I'll...'  
  
What exactly Tetsu was threatening him with, the singer didn't know and, unfortunately knew he'll likely never find out - as tempting as it was to go against Tetsu's wishes again, he had made the decision not to trample with his band members anymore himself: it was not a clever thing to do if he was to get serious about singing after all.  
  
But as was the norm by now, Hyde chose to  **blame**  Tetsu for this unlikable for him situation. It was easy to start looking for someone to blame when his level of frustration started rising so rapidly soon after moving to Tokyo. While, as always, Tetsu kept his word and Hyde was free to do as he liked, the singer found himself with less and less time for it when their popularity started rising and their responsibilities and work mounted. He also found it harder to keep his anonymity in clubs.   
  
It was even harder still to keep from getting frustrated with a person as intriguing as Sakura always being near him, but off-limits.  
  
And he didn't let the fact that he started bonding with his bandmates in a far less obscene and far deeper level because of all this lessen his unreasonable anger towards the bassist at all.  
  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------  
  
"Can I ask you about something?" Sakura started one night when they were hanging out in the drummer's apartment, now a year into their acquaintance and Sakura's membership in L'Arc~en~Ciel. They've unexpectedly grown to know each other very well by now. Probably better than Hyde knew anyone else, including Ken and Tetsu.   
  
For example, he knew that the drummer would never let a free night such as this go by without at least smoking some weed (because the dark man knew Hyde refused to let him even  **touch**  any harder drugs in his presence), but would not nag at the singer for not joining him (because Sakura knew Hyde disliked smoking it the few times he did try). He also knew that Sakura probably only wanted to ask his question  **because**  he was relaxed enough to dare do it.  
  
"Of course," he said, relaxed himself just because of how relaxed his companion was. He knew that even high, the drummer still was too polite to inquire anything without Hyde first agreeing to it. The drummer was just shy that way, and that somehow drew gentleness from the singer that Hyde did not even know existed in him.  
  
"You and Tetsu," the drummer started, ignorant of how the relaxation instantly left Hyde at hearing the words, "just what exactly is going on between the two of you?"  
  
"What do you mean?" the singer asked, trying not to let Sakura notice how flustered he suddenly felt - not a hard task, to be truthful, in the state the drummer was.   
  
Hyde might have reluctantly admitted (only to himself, mind) that Sakura was a friend, but he didn't want to ruin the younger man's unexpected innocence by exposing him to the particulars of his and Tetsu's relationship. The drummer might suspect a thing or two about the singers frequent disappearances after the band's outings to clubs, but he didn't need to know the  **whole**  truth.  
  
"Well, there's obviously something going on," the drummer drawled, floatily, "the two of you are always, like, checking up on each other. Watching how the other reacts. Like you really... I don't know. You seem in your own world, sometimes. It might be none of my business, but if the two of you, well, you know... I just wanted you to know I'm okay with it. There's no need to hide it or anything..."  
  
Hyde decided to blame his sleepiness for not realizing what the drummer was trying to say earlier than this. He had been so scared hat the drummer might be onto his real self, that Sakura's real question seemed almost... cute to him. He restrained from sighing in relief.  
  
"Oh, no, we really aren't together or anything like that," he hurried to deny, saving the drummer from further jumbling with his words. The denial left his mouth far more forcefully than he expected it to, but he was distracted from that when he saw how entirely his answer changed the drummer's demeanor.  
  
"Really?" he asked again, suddenly far less awkward and... was that hopefulness in his voice? Hyde blinked at the notion. "Because you two always seem to..."  
  
"Really, there's nothing like that between us," Hyde interrupted, almost reassuringly. Hearing that, however, Sakura seemed to withdraw again and started stumbling with words once more.  
  
"Then would you... I mean... I'd... Would you be with me? If you're not with him?"  
  
Despite how obviously the conversation had led to this point, Hyde's heart almost jumped out his throat when he heard this. He had tried to avoid this so much, but had his deeper desires made him open his trap without even him meaning to after all?   
  
No, it can't be, he had been so careful... He hadn't even played with the drummer like he had, years ago, played with Hiro.  
  
"I don't usually go for guys, or anything," Sakura continued talking during the singer's stunned silence, "But I just... I don't know, I like you a lot and..."  
  
"I'm flattered, Sakura. I really am. But this is a bad idea," Hyde said as soon as he recovered enough, but couldn't actually believe he was saying this. Since when did  **he**  refuse a proposal like this?  
  
"But I know you go for guys, so you can't say you..." the younger man tried again, but the older cut him off once more.  
  
"That's not the problem, Sakura. It's simply a bad idea."  
  
"Don't you  **want**  to... sleep with me?" The drummer persisted and Hyde was so startled by the blunt words coming from the man's mouth that he gave up denying immediately.  
  
"Well... yeah," he said, numbly. Even Tetsu wouldn't blame him for  **not**  lying, right?  
  
"So do it," Sakura almost challenged him, leaning in forward. And Hyde gave up protesting immediately as well.  
  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Sakura was the first person that Hyde slept with more than once.  
  
Well, there was a girlfriend in high-school as well as the first guy he'd ever slept with that were technically the real firsts in that aspect, but both of them were before Hyde - Hideto - was actually **Hyde**. Before it became so unusual.  
  
It was actually very easy for Hyde to rationalize the relationship too. Sakura was always there and Hyde actually liked him, not just used him for proving his own worth to himself. He treated the younger man as a friend and let the drummer wake his gentle side. And when practices piled up upon lives and free time became an expensive luxury instead of a normality, it was... convenient to let it continue.  
  
The transition was completely seamless as well. They got along well before, and they continued to get along after. That was why, probably, even  **Tetsu**  didn't realize what was going on until weeks had passed after that first time.  
  
Hyde never actually figured out what was it that had finally given them away. But when one day Tetsu asked him to stay after practice with a steely look on his face, he did as told without any doubt in his mind that Tetsu knew.   
  
However, it didn't mean he was scared. It was a while since their last real confrontation and Hyde felt a curious excitement in the face of it, especially when it was clearly meant to end with him as the winner.  
  
"I thought you realized by now that this is not a game," the bassist started quietly when the door closed behind the last staff member and they were left alone. "I noticed your trysts in clubs became more rare, I saw you giving your all in practices, your best in lives. But of course you've always enjoyed proving me wrong."  
  
Hyde didn't say anything, because it was obvious Tetsu was not yet finished.  
  
"I said this before, when Hiro left I think. I repeat it with the hope that you changed at least a little bit and will actually hear what I'm saying this time," Tetsu whispered, before looking up, straight into the singer's eyes, "A friend, Hyde. Does it still mean nothing to you?"  
  
"He  **is**  a friend," Hyde agreed, but his tone seemed to anger Tetsu even more.  
  
"It's Sakura, Hyde. Despite his stupid drugs, and stupid antics on stage, and his stupid cool-guy image he's... he's really a lot like Hiro. How can you  **do**  this to... someone that naive?"  
  
"I'm not doing anything to him. He wanted this himself," Hyde replied, still not taking even a step back in the argument and Tetsu angrily shook his head.  
  
"Of course he wanted it himself. You make everyone want it themselves, that's the whole problem!" The leader's eyes were blazing with so many different emotions, Hyde could not keep track of them. "You'll leave him broken, like you leave everyone. It's a miracle he has even stayed this long."  
  
"Well, perhaps  **I**  want to stay with him," Hyde said suddenly, surprising them both, but keeping his own surprise hidden. He did not know if he really meant it or just said it to make Tetsu shut up at first, but as seconds passed, he actually started convincing himself as well. "Do you remember what you said after we had sex, that "threat" that you made?" the singer continued, "Maybe you were right and I  **did**  find someone to love, and it's Sakura," inwardly Hyde congratulated himself on finding a way to twist Tetsu's own words in a way that served  **him**  so well instead. And it indeed, seemed to have stunned Tetsu into silence. But not for very long.  
  
"That's great then," Tetsu said eventually, almost indifferently. And it hurt. Hyde didn't know why, but maybe it was because, for some unexplainable reason, he had expected for  **Tetsu**  to be the hurt one in this. He shook the thought off. It was silly. It did not make him any less of a victor.  
  
"If that is really the case, then I'm happy for you and I wish you luck," the leader continued in the same tone of voice. "However, Hyde, it is  **Sakura**  we're talking about. Be aware of that.  **Please**  don't break him."  
  
Tetsu seemed almost sad when he said that and left not long after, leaving Hyde still a little confused.  
  
Of course he had no intention of breaking Sakura. He liked him. It was convenient. They knew each other so well. It would make no sense for Hyde to do anything to compromise that.  
  
Shrugging to himself in slight incomprehension, Hyde prepared to leave as well.   
  
They all had the rest of the evening off. He might as well take the opportunity and hit the club - it's been a while since he had an opportunity to go and find anyone for himself.  
  
  
  
  
Hyde | Tetsu  
   3    |    2


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 6**  
  
It was better than an alcohol induced haze and greater than any high a drug could give. In a certain way, it was better than the adrenaline rush of a live, even though thousands of pairs of adoring eyes were replaced by only one. The smell of sweat and sex in the air filled his nostrils with sweet familiarity and the muscular body beneath his writhed and arched in the rhythm that he liked best. Just like on the stage, here he was the God and the Master of skill. Only this skill was the most sinful of them all, as well as the most pleasurable. And at this moment,  **this**  particular pair of eyes had all the intensity of a thousand and it was  **all**  directed towards him alone. The fact that this was the first and probably the last time he'll feel this particular gaze on him just served to heighten the feeling.  
  
This might not have been Hyde's own bed, but it was  **his**  territory,  **his**  play field. And here, he was the brightest star of them all.  
  
In the last few years he had learned to treasure these opportunities. They've become harder to come by and it was normally only every other stop of one tour or another that the singer managed to sneak out to a club at night and do what he did best. The sleaziest bar in Kawasaki on Monday, the darkest one in Chiba next Wednesday. That is, if he was lucky enough. He liked his fame to a certain extent, but it was quite an annoyance in times like this.  
  
A sigh of contentment slipped from his lips when his companion of the night (whatever was his name, he never asked) started snoring and he was free to sneak out and use the shower. One more night of complete success. The only thing left was to catch a ride back to his hotel.  
  
Well, almost the last. Tiredly, he noted the number of the apartment and the building that he was leaving as he sat into a taxi. Tetsu never went back on his word to keep his affairs out of the public's knowledge, but as the band leader's responsibilities piled up, he asked the singer to at least give him the whereabouts of the people he slept with so he wouldn't have to worry about finding them out himself.  
  
Hyde's first response, of course, was to protest the idea of having to report his activities, but that was before he realized that this was the perfect excuse to flaunt his affairs into Tetsu's face every single time. See his reaction. The thought sounded... positively delicious to him.  
  
Sometimes the singer wondered how exactly Tetsu kept his promise. What did he do if he thought that a particular one-night stand of Hyde's might talk? How did he keep them quiet? Bribery? Threats? The leader's magical way with words and ability to convince? Whatever it was, it always worked without the slightest hitch.  
  
The hotel's reception was quiet and the sleepy receptionist barely nodded to him as he passed. A long elevator ride to the third floor from the top and a short trip down the dark hallway brought him to a door with light shining from the crack beneath them. Hyde briefly pondered if Tetsu ever slept when they were touring or spent  **all**  of his nights worrying over details and planning the upcoming lives.   
  
He knocked softly and it only took a few moments of waiting before the door was opened by a tired looking bassist. Hyde offered him the slip of paper he had scribbled the address on without a word and was rewarded by a satisfying grimace on Tetsu's face. It dwindled away from existence very quickly though.  
  
"How's Sakura?" the bassist asked with a slightly hoarse from sleep deprivation voice. Hyde blinked.  
  
"What about him?" he asked, confused and Tetsu froze for a second before sighing.  
  
"Never mind," he whispered rubbing his temples with the fingers of his empty hand and Hyde found himself lingering for an unknown reason.  
  
"Is Ken already asleep?" he asked finally after the other occupant of the suite, at the door of which he was standing. Tetsu nodded.  
  
"As you should be. It's late. Go to sleep. I don't want us to be late departing for the next city tomorrow, so no sleeping in," the leader said in a very business-like manner.  
  
"You're one to talk," Hyde pointed out, but Tetsu just shrugged and closed the door after a very mangled up good-night. Hyde stared at the closed door for a couple of seconds before turning to walk towards his own room. There was something a little off about the exchange, but he couldn't quite put his finger on it.  
  
He started digging around in his pockets for his key when he noticed there was light shining from behind the door to his and Sakura's suite as well. Still, he unlocked the door himself and slipped inside, smiling when he saw his far more long-term lover than the one he just left spacing out on the couch in the middle of the room. Quietly, he toed off his shoes and slithered up to the drummer, sliding his arms around the man's neck from behind and kissing the side of his face. He felt Sakura tense initially, but then he relaxed again, though there was a guarded look on the drummer's face when he turned to look at the singer.  
  
"You just had sex," it was a statement, not a question and Hyde didn't make a big deal out of it. He had made it clear from the beginning of his relationship with this man that he had no intention of changing his ways and Sakura never once complained, so Hyde figured they had an understanding between them. It certainly seemed to work out completely fine, considering they have stayed together all this time despite all that.  
  
"Mmm," he murmured distractedly as he took a seat beside his friend and started placing fleeting kisses up his neck, "quite good sex too, but if you're up to it I wouldn't mind..." he trailed off when his lips reached the drummer's jaw and he caught sight of Sakura's obviously dilated pupils. Immediately sitting back up and straightening out he took hold of one of the younger man's limp arms and slid the sleeve up. He gritted his teeth when he saw undeniable proof of why exactly his lover was  **this**  spaced out.  
  
Looking back to Sakura's face with a very pronounced frown of disapproval, he carelessly let the hand fall down beside the drummer again.  
  
"You just shot up," he accused even when his brain unhelpfully supplied this was absolutely futile with the other man so high, "Sakura, this is happening far too often lately, you can't oomph-"  
  
He was very successfully made to shut up when the younger man leaned in and covered his lips with his own in a fierce kiss. There's alcohol too, he thought when he sensed the familiar taste in his lover's mouth. His heart gave an unpleasant lurch.  
  
He let the younger man explore his mouth for a few more seconds before gently breaking the kiss and running his finger's down the other's still slightly long hair in a gesture of affection and also as a habit of frustration in the recent absence of his  **own**  long and curly locks.  
  
"Let's just go to sleep," he said softly, giving up and rising to his feet, gently tugging on the muscular man's arm in an attempt to get him to move towards one of the bedrooms.  
  
"You go, I'll join you soon," Sakura murmured, closing his eyes, "I want to enjoy this for a little bit more."  
  
Hyde stood looking at his lover with worry in his eyes for a couple more minutes before choosing a bedroom at random and stepping towards it. Not only he won't be able to sleep in tomorrow, he'll also have to wake up earlier if he wanted to make Sakura wake up in time as well.  
  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
It was not often that Hyde really partook in much alcohol when he went to clubs or bars. He normally didn't like how it affected his behavior and found it counter-productive to getting into his act. But this particular evening he was sitting at the bar, nursing a glass of scotch, and was far more interested in his own thoughts than singling out a man for the night. He'd get to that soon, he told himself, but right now he was... worried.  
  
It had been a very gradual process, Sakura's slipping further into his drug abuse. What at first seemed like an almost innocent habit that, nonetheless, the other members of Laruku didn't particularly like yet didn't talk about, slowly evolved into something more. As years went by, it got to the point where Sakura even skipped practices from time to time or disappeared without telling anyone for a couple of days. Hyde knew that Tetsu had had quite a few discussions with the drummer about it behind closed doors and so he left his lover alone as he figured that Tetsu's nagging would be enough;  **he**  certainly knew how annoying that got. But in the last few months it went from bad to worse. He knew Sakura's relationship with Tetsu and Ken suffered greatly because of it and tried very hard on not letting it influence his own. But he knew he was failing and that he'll have to address the issue eventually. He just didn't know how.  
  
The singer was suddenly startled from his thoughts when someone slipped onto the bar-stool next to his and almost choked on the gulp of scotch that he had been enjoying the taste of when he realized it was Tetsu.  
  
"It's far easier to find you in Tokyo than it is when you go out while we're in other cities," the leader said, not bothering with a greeting, only barely loudly enough to be heard over the music and the general noise in the room, "I guess it means that Tokyo really is the most familiar place to us by now. I still like Osaka better though."  
  
Hyde didn't know what to answer to that and just looked on stupidly as the bassist ordered a drink of his own. They sat silently while the barman got him the beverage and then a minute more when Tetsu took a few gulps from it.  
  
"We no longer need Sakura to help us get by here," the younger man continued eventually. "But we  **require** him, quite badly, as a drummer. Preferably one that is on Earth more often than flying high in the clouds."  
  
Hyde winced. Figures Tetsu will finally talk about it with him. It had been only a matter of time, after all. But for once, he agreed with the bassist wholeheartedly.  
  
"I know," he said, and as much as he hated showing a weakness in front of Tetsu, he continued to confess, "I have no idea what to do though."  
  
"Don't you?" The bassist asked sharply and Hyde was surprised at the sting in his voice. Hadn't he sounded sincere enough?  
  
"Do you think I like him doing this to himself?" he asked, his voice rising as well. "If I knew how to stop him, I'd have done it ages ago!"  
  
"Well, why don't you start at the underlying cause?" The bassist asked, still accusingly and Hyde frowned.  
  
"What underlying cause?" he asked, feeling honestly clueless and Tetsu looked at him incredulously.  
  
"You honestly don't understand, do you?" he asked and Hyde could only shake his head. "Don't you think his lover openly cheating on him with a different person every week might have something to do with it?"  
  
This immediately put Hyde into a defensive mode.  
  
"He knew exactly what he was getting into. I told him. And he never said a word about it. It's who I am, Tetsu, and just because  **you**  can't accept it does not mean that nobody can!"  
  
"Hyde, I probably understand you better than anyone!" Tetsu whispered sharply, probably because otherwise he'd be shouting loud enough for everyone in the bar to hear by now, "And Sakura probably thought that in time you'd realize how horribly you're behaving and stop. Maybe he thought that one day, he would be enough for you. That you'll start loving him enough. He can't  **handle**  being with you, not with the way you are! He can't handle  **you**! You  **are**  breaking him!"  
  
Hyde leaned away from the onslaught of words and looked down at the surface of the bar, his mind reeling in anger that he didn't dare express because a voice in his head whispered that  _maybe Tetsu **was**  right_.  
  
"You said once, that you wanted to stay with Sakura," Tetsu continued a little more calmly, "And I honestly wanted to believe that. Because despite what you think, I only want what's good for you. But you  **haven't**  found that person to stay with yet, Hyde. Not if you can't change for him. And you have to change. Or you have to leave him. Before it's too late."  
  
His head spinning from shock, Hyde did not even notice when, having said his part, Tetsu left. However he did notice when he finished his drink. Numbly, he ordered another one.  
  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Never before had Hyde been faced with the dilemma of how to leave a lover. It never got to a point where he actually cared about it, however he did care about Sakura. Deeply.   
  
Just not deeply enough to change himself.   
  
And he knew that on the off-chance, on the  **slight**  possibility that Tetsu was right (he could never admit any more than that) he  **had**  to take this step. Had to find a right way.  
  
However, even the best way he could find left him running out of the room with the sincerest apology in his life when he saw his only long-term lover's face crumble in shock and then resignation before the drummer asked to be left alone for a while.  
  
Hyde felt hope, however. He felt as if a weight lifted off his shoulders when the task was done with and he believed that this meant that Sakura would be able to start recovering and move on.   
  
He believed that even when the drummer didn't show up for the next practice. It was only natural, even Tetsu agreed, that Sakura needed a little bit of time. Even when it became obvious that the drug abuse worsened in the weeks that followed. He told himself that this was just temporary, just for a while until Sakura found his footing again.  
  
He stopped deluding himself only when, a couple of months later, he got a call from Ken to come to his apartment and was welcomed by two very serious silhouettes of his other bandmates. He sat on an armchair as far from the other two as he could and waited with baited breath for someone to start talking.  
  
"It was too late," Tetsu stated the obvious, really, something that should have been obvious from the  **start** , "We need to get him professional help, it cannot continue like this."  
  
Hyde startled at the sadly spoken words but kept quiet. Tetsu's voice only rose, however.  
  
"I asked you not to break him, Hyde. That was probably the only thing I ever asked of you as seriously as this. So why couldn't you, for once in your miserable life, do what..."  
  
"Tetsu, man, shut it," Ken cut the raging bassist off, not a note of his usual jokes in his tone, "It's long past the time when we should be throwing blame around. We were the ones that didn't intervene before, so we're just as guilty. We need a solution now, the problem is more than clear already."  
  
Tetsu deflated and sunk back to his seat from which he had begun rising. Taking a few calming breaths, the leader buried his face in his palms, rubbing his eyes, and started thinking out loud.  
  
"I'll start looking for a specialist we can trust not to blurb this out tomorrow. In the meantime, someone has to start convincing Sakura that it is what's best for him. Probably you, Ken. I don't think he'll listen to Hyde right now."  
  
Ken grimaced but did not argue with the appointment. Hyde still hadn't said a word. He felt like his entire world was shaking from its very foundations. He didn't want to lose the band. He didn't want to lose his friend. He didn't want to lose his  **friends** , but he was completely helpless to do anything. Why was everything suddenly so difficult? Why did he let himself become invested in so many things? Why couldn't he have just stuck with what he did best, where it was comfortable and familiar?  
  
The heavy silence clouded the room and the gloomy atmosphere almost hurt as they considered what to do. But there was no way to magically clear it all up, and all three of them knew it.  
  
"If we're trying to deal with this now, wouldn't it be better if the band took a break for a while?" Ken mused out loud after a while and Tetsu nodded.  
  
"I already cleared that. As soon as the promotions are over we'll have a few..."  
  
He was interrupted by a loud and unfamiliar ringing sound that made them look around. Realizing something, Tetsu jumped up and went to his bag. After a few moments, he produced a rather bulky and inelegant cellphone that was the originator of the stupid melody. Casting a short look of disgust to the not well-liked by him but necessary device, he picked up the call with an almost disgruntled "Hello". As he started listening to whoever it was on the other end, Ken and Hyde witnessed as color drained impossibly quickly from the young man's face.  
  
"What?" he choked out after a while and the word that should have come out as a yell of disbelief only resounded as a breathy whisper. "Okay, I understand. I'll come up right away."  
  
An absent-minded push of the button to end the call later, he was looking up into now worriedly curious faces of his band-members. In the next instant he seemed to forcefully take control over his emotions again and spoke in a voice that barely trembled at all.  
  
"Sakura was just arrested for heroin possession," he said emptily, "I'm going to the police station. Ken, you and Hyde should go to the label. If there's any possibility that L'Arc~en~Ciel will survive this, we have to address this immediately. Cooperate with the management, tell them everything they need to know but  **only**  what they need to know. Let them understand we're not gonna let the band be erased from existence because of this. You should probably do the talking. And just take care of Hyde."  
  
Hyde barely heard any of that indeed and had to be hauled up by Ken and physically dragged to a car. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't speak. His entire world had just crumbled down around him.  
  
Tetsu turned out to be right once again. Hyde lost to him again. But he also lost to himself.  
  
He just lost  **himself**.  
  
  
  
  
Hyde | Tetsu  
   3    |    3


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 7**  
  
Tetsu collapsed on the couch of his living room in a manner of a person who has decided not to get up _ever_  again. Or at least, not to get up for as long as their crazy situation and schedule allowed them to. The same situation that had him up and running with  _almost_  no sleep for three whole days now, struggling to keep his dreams alive, his precious people as unaffected as possible and the load that appeared after the recent events as much on  _his_  shoulders as he could.  
  
He could deal with this, He knew that. Even with things slipping out of his control, he had the ability to keep his band alive, against all the odds. And that's all that mattered in his mind.  _Almost_ all.  
  
The only thing preceding this, was the one thing that made him stand up far before his organism was ready to move again after all. A doorbell. He instinctively knew who was on the other side of the door, who was the  _only_  one desperate enough to bother him at this time and who he hadn't seen for almost as long as those same three days he almost hadn't slept. He did not even groan as he got up, grabbing hold of the last surge of adrenaline he still had in his system and dragged himself to the door, opening it and barely blinking at the sight that met him.  
  
It was obviously a face of a man who was in the middle of a change, Tetsu was glad to note. The indecision, confusion, even the hurt was a good sign to a certain extent in this situation. And more than anything else, there was a plea for help. For advice. For salvation.  
  
For answers.  
  
Hyde was a truly pitiful sight to behold.  
  
"Hyde-san," he greeted with an indifferent nod, far more aware of the roles they have played up to this point than he probably  _should_  have been now, considering the circumstances.  
  
"Tetchan," the answer was barely hearable, buried under a mountain of guilt and loss of what to do. The eyes of the man in front of the bassist filled with tears for the first time he'd known him and his voice was choked by repentance. "I'm... I'm so sorry, Tetchan, if I'd known, I would have... I don't know, but I would have done  _something_..."  
  
It was the first opportunity to talk they had since the news reached them, as one of Tetsu's main goals the last three days was to keep Hyde out of the media's view while he patched the biggest problems up as good as he could alone or with the occasional help of Ken - someone who kept his cool far better than the uncharacteristically emotional vocalist did. As far as he knew (and he, by all means,  _should_  know right), the singer had been cooped up in his apartment, with a label-hired bodyguard near him at all times. It was a mystery how the small man even got out to visit him without a deceivingly good-meaning entourage tagging along.  
  
"Believe me, Hyde, you've already done enough," was the response that flew from Tetsu's mouth before he even considered it, and he decided that the exhaustion was effecting him more than he thought. The singer had no means of knowing the bassist didn't mean that, however. He withdrew to himself even more.  
  
"I'm so sorry. You were right and it's all my fault. Because of me Sakura, and Laruku, and you guys..." Hyde was blabbering now, his words mixing together into an incomprehensible mess. Tetsu could just imagine how the singer spent the last three days thinking over what has happened and maybe even planning out this very apology that was fated to failure as soon as he laid eyes on the bassist and the reality of the situation hit him full-force again.  
  
For a full second, Tetsu considered just continuing to stare coolly down at the man that was obviously having a breakdown in front of him. But when that second passed, he silently gathered the practically sobbing man into his embrace, shushing him gently and waiting patiently for Hyde to calm down. When the distressed shaking finally subsided, the bassist finally became aware of the fact that he'd been hugging his singer at the door of his apartment for who knows how long. Without breaking the silence, he led the older man inside, closing the door behind them and sitting Hyde on the couch.  
  
"I'll put you up for the night," the leader muttered, stepping away to peek into the guest bedroom to make sure everything was in order there before returning to the almost frozen man's side. "The state you're in, you probably won't make it home safely now."  
  
Hyde looked up at him then, questions in his eyes as loud and clear as they'd be had he stated them. Tetsu sighed and sat down in front of the other.  
  
"For now, don't worry about this. There is nothing you can do and I'll take care of everything."  
  
"Alone?" the singer mouthed, the sound catching in his throat in his distress, startling him. But Tetsu paid it no mind.  
  
"Ken will help me if I need anything," the cold rejection obviously hit Hyde full-force, but Tetsu was not going to gloss things over for him, not if Hyde was finally starting to take responsibility for his actions. As it was, the singer was barely stable right now, and would only hurt their case if he remained in the middle of the situation. Tetsu did not need that.   
  
"Tomorrow, I'll make sure you get some time off. Hawaii, Bahamas, take your pick. It would be best if you left the country for a while, both for you and for the band," the leader continued and Hyde nodded in acceptance, not daring to disagree with anything after putting them into the situation in the first place.  
  
"Can I go visit Sakura before I leave?" he asked, nonetheless and Tetsu shook his head.  
  
"I don't think that is a good idea," he said without elaborating, but Hyde just nodded again, understandingly. The drummer probably wouldn't want to see him, in any case.  
  
"Come on, now, go to sleep," Tetsu said after a moment of silence and urged the singer into the guestroom, waiting uncomfortably in the room for Hyde to unclothe and slip under the cover's just to make sure the small man did as told. As soon as the singer settled in the bed, however, he turned and was about to switch off the light when a voice stopped him.  
  
"Tetchan?" the familiar address rolled off the vocalist's tongue with a curiously hesitant intonation, "Why do you keep doing this?"  
  
Tetsu turned back to face Hyde, his brows furrowing in confusion.  
  
"What do you mean?" he asked, honestly at a loss of what Hyde was referring to.  
  
"All these years, I've been nothing but trouble for you, and I made it my life's goal to cause you as much discomfort as I could," the singer spoke, his voice regaining some of its strength in his desperation to understand, "I never even made it a secret. And yet you kept me in the band despite it, cleaned up after me, pulled me along, took care of me. Why? However beautiful you might think my voice is, it can't be worth it to put up with all I've put you through."  
  
The bassist shrugged.  
  
"Maybe not to you," he brushed it off, unfortunately without success.  
  
"Tetchan," the vocalist said, obviously not buying it. If he were less tired, Tetsu might have taken offense at the almost patronizing tone, "Why did you let me stay all this time?"  
  
Pushing on the switch that his hand had already been resting on Tetsu suddenly turned off the light and turned to leave again, mostly to hide the expression on his face - he had no idea what it was and didn't want Hyde seeing him losing control of his own features. He still did not know if it was a good idea to give Hyde any ammunition, as changed as the man seemed right now.  
  
"I'm sure you'll realize the answer to that if you think a bit without much trouble," he answered cryptically and bid goodnight before the singer could try to respond.  
  
He should call Hyde's apartment and calm the probably frantic by now bodyguard. He'll make sure the incompetent man is fired tomorrow.  
  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
If the situation were not so grave or at least had less impact on his own future, Tetsu might have actually enjoyed dealing with its blowout. These might be the music industry's own brand of politics, but it was something he highly exceeded in. Take that, high-school teachers that called him a good-for-nothing.  
  
In retrospect, he thought, maybe it was better that this happened when L'Arc~en~Ciel's popularity had been on such a steep rise, even if it did mean the media's attention fell down on them with an almost terrifying intensity. But at least now there was not one person (who had an actual say in this) that was really against the band's continued activity as soon as the scandal died down. There were reprimands of course, uncountable even. There was blame thrown around, Japan's peculiar ways of viewing drugs confronted and even threats of the band being buried so far down, none of its members would even dream of standing on stage again.  
  
Empty threats. Ones that made a very satisfying crunching sound once Tetsu could be bothered enough to step on them.  
  
Interestingly enough, one of the more difficult tasks for Tetsu was getting a chance to visit Sakura again. There were suspicions (quite reasonable, Tetsu had to admit) that the leader would be incredibly angry at the drummer for ruining his band and that letting them both into the same room was a tragedy waiting to happen.  
  
But Tetsu barely blamed Sakura at all. He blamed  _himself_  the most, actually.   
  
Obviously, the two of them would not come out of this as close friends, but then, they never actually were. So the visit, once Tetsu made it happen, consisted of worried inquiries about health, polite exchanges of apologies and, once the subject was broached, there was also a mention of a name. Satisfied, Tetsu left after getting what he came for and readied himself for a long search.   
  
He knew quite well that Yukihiro would not be easy to find.  
  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Tetsu shook off a strong feeling of deja vu when he opened the door to his apartment after the doorbell rang. The vocalist was not supposed to be back for another week at the least, and yet here he was, complete with a Hawaiian Flower Lei and an Aloha shirt. Admittedly, the perfect smile was missing, but Hyde never had straight teeth so that couldn't be helped.  
  
"Tetchan!" Hyde almost shouted as he grinned up at him and walked past into the apartment without even asking for permission.   
  
Well, at least the mood had improved drastically, the bassist mused to himself. The holiday worked as he had intended it to then, if a little faster than he thought it would.  
  
"What are doing here?" he asked tiredly, following the almost annoyingly cheerful vocalist into his own home. "You're back early."  
  
"I know," Hyde answered, sobering up a little as he brought out some items Tetsu concluded were souvenirs for him (was that a hula girl statuette?) onto the living room table.  
  
"Why?" Tetsu asked, though he probably knew half of the answer already, judging by the singer's mood. Hyde put the last object on the table and turned back to look at him, his smile a bit strained now, but still present.  
  
"I just had enough time already to realize that my moping and blaming myself was not helping anyone," he said slowly, "I don't know if I can do anything to actually help, but I'm willing to try."  
  
Tetsu could not disprove of that, even though he still wasn't sure of how to deal with this Hyde that was so different from the person he knew.  
  
"I'll try to change," the singer continued, as if reading Tetsu's thoughts. "I don't know how much I'll be able to, but with what happened... I owe it to Sakura to grow up a little. And also... This is very late, but...." the vocalist broke off and stood silent for a full couple of minutes, collecting his nerve while Tetsu waited patiently. "I am sorry, Tetsu," he finally said. "You were right, all those years ago. I did come to regret things after all."  
  
A lesser man would have demanded more, would have asked for full admition of what exactly Hyde was now regretting.   
  
A greater man would have done more than just nod in acknowledgment and silent forgiveness.   
  
But Tetsu was neither and Hyde did not expect anything other from him. However, both of them understood the significance of what happened and Tetsu knew just how much it cost Hyde to say this - not in a middle of a breakdown, but in a heartfelt and honest way. Most honest that Hyde had ever been, probably.  
  
"I visited Ken just now," Hyde changed the topic awkwardly and Tetsu did hear the untold 'because I was too afraid to come to you first' between his words, "He told me you've been speaking with probable drummer replacement?"  
  
There was no accusation of abandoning Sakura, just resignation. Tetsu breathed out in relief and sat down, gesturing for Hyde to do the same.  
  
"It's just Yukihiro. You know him, we worked with him before. Sakura mentioned him when I asked for his opinion." he answered dutifully, "It's rather tentative at the moment. We're in no position to expect anyone to want to be associated with us. But I think he's leaning towards agreeing. We'll pull through."  
  
"I did like him when he worked with us," Hyde mused out loud, his eyes with a faraway gaze at the memory.  
  
"Hyde, you can't possibly..." Tetsu was quick to become suspicious, his eyes narrowing.  
  
"No!" Hyde cut him off emphatically, "I promise, I won't. I really mean it. I... I'm trying to give up on that altogether," he swore, his eyes wide as he looked into Tetsu's eyes, willing the bassist to believe in his sincerity.  
  
"So no more cleaning up after you?" Tetsu asked in a hopeful voice after a second's deliberation and deciding to trust the singer. Hyde started laughing even as a tear of something akin to relief appeared in his eye.  
  
"Yes," he said through another chuckle. "No more of that, I hope."  
  
There was some kind of profound understanding in the air. Like for the first time ever, there were no games, no rules, no secrets or hidden meanings between them. They both were as open as they had ever been. Tetsu didn't know of any words that would be worthy of disturbing the peaceful atmosphere that suddenly enveloped them. Hyde, apparently, did however.  
  
"You know, Tetchan," he said haltingly, his eyes dropping downwards in sudden hesitance. "I thought about a lot of things during my time off. And, maybe even more than I thought about our situation, I tried to figure out the answer to that question I asked you before I went away."  
  
The singer let a moment of meaningful silence linger then and Tetsu just waited for something that he had waited for the whole time he had known the older man to pass. He did not start hoping, or become excited. His heart did not start beating faster and his breathing did not quicken in anticipation. He had been ready for this moment for a very long time, and he did not feel nervous at all. He just let Hyde speak at his own pace.  
  
"And what I realized, Tetchan," the singer continued eventually, "was that I love you too."  
  
Tetsu smiled calmly at the revelation that was honestly no revelation to anyone but Hyde himself and took the singer's hand into his own, squeezing it gently to communicate his appreciation of the words.  
  
"I know. Maybe that's  _why_  I love you," he whispered, confirming what Hyde had figured out on his own already.  
  
And then, he promptly ruined the atmosphere with a loud yawn.  
  
"I'm sorry," he almost giggled at the expression on the singer's face at the mood-breaker, "I was just about to go to sleep when you came by. Do you want to spend the night here again? It's really late already."  
  
The singer's eyes lit up.  
  
"Sex?" he asked, hopefully and Tetsu facefaulted in his mind, happy that his way of ruining the mood at least had not been crude.  
  
"No, you nymphomaniac," he said, gently hitting the singer upside the head and standing up with an exaggerated huff, "You'll stay in the guestroom again."  
  
"But Tetchaaan," the singer whined, following him with a pout. "Come on, I haven't had any for more than a month! You weren't this difficult the first time!"  
  
"I said no. I wasn't in love with you the first time. And you were not rebounding at the time either."  
  
"I'm not rebounding!" Hyde protested. "I liked Sakura, but it's been months now and I..."  
  
Tetsu suddenly turned back to face the singer in the middle of their trip to the guest bedroom and, before the tiny man even realized what was happening, captured the vocalist's lips with his own. Gently yet passionately, he varied the pressure until the lips beneath him parted to release a moan and then the kiss deepened, Tetsu's tongue exploring the warmth in a maddeningly slow manner. His own consciousness hazed over and he had no presence of mind to gloat when he saw the man who prided himself for his expertise in lovemaking completely spaced out and disbelieving from one, quick kiss.  
  
"Will you go to sleep now?" He asked with a teasing smile and Hyde finally recovered, his expression losing all flirtatiousness and boldness to which he fell back to from habit and in understandable search of normalcy. There was no need for that anymore, however, and Tetsu was glad that he managed to show that.  
  
"Yes," Hyde answered after a blissful while. "In fact, I think I'll sleep very well tonight." Things were still awkward, and old habits will keep popping up for a very long time yet, Tetsu was sure. But this was the man he had fallen in love with six years ago, and he wouldn't have it any other way.  
  
Change had happened, and there will be more changes very soon. But one thing was for sure - their little game had ended. And there were no losers.  
  
  
  
  
  
Hyde | Tetsu  
   ♥    |    ♥


	9. Chapter 9

**Epilogue**  
  
It might seem silly, but Tetsu really disliked prison walls. As far as he's seen, they were always either a depressing gray color or that sickening shade of green. Painting them white might have made the facility resemble a certain other institution too much, but the bassist had an inkling it would have still made him far less uncomfortable.  
  
Of course, making anyone comfortable was not really the intention here. Not even in the visiting room, it seemed, and Tetsu had to make a conscious effort to not start tapping on the bare table with his fingers in his unreasonable nervousness as he conversed with the person in front of him. That would have certainly not helped the atmosphere.  
  
Unfortunately, after a brief recount of how things were going by Tetsu and a reassurance that he was as well as he could be considering the circumstances by Sakura, the conversation was quickly becoming strained. Fortunately, Tetsu was not really here to do small talk with his former drummer in any case.  
  
"Sakura," he started, when an appropriate pause in the conversation finally appeared, "I actually arranged this meeting because there's something you should hear..."  
  
The younger man raised a confused eyebrow.  
  
"Well, I assure you that I'll listen," he said, stating the obvious, but the bassist shook his head.  
  
"It's something that you should hear from someone other than me," he explained and while the drummer was obviously puzzled by that even more, the leader turned to the lone door to the room and called in a little bit louder voice.  
  
"Hyde?"  
  
The drummer's eyes widened and just as the small figure of the singer slid into the room, he fixed his eyes onto the surface of the table in front of him, obviously refusing to grace the vocalist with even one glance. Not perturbed, Hyde strode purposefully towards the drummer, ignoring the empty seat he was probably supposed to take on the other side of the table, ignoring Tetsu, ignoring the thought of how it might look from the side and knelt beside the drummer, trying to catch his eyes but failing. That did not seem to discourage him, however.  
  
"I guess I deserve this," he said with a self depreciating laugh, but got no response, "I didn't come here to ask for forgiveness, Sakura. I know I don't deserve that. I did, however, come to offer an apology. Though I guess even that might seem selfish in these circumstances."  
  
The drummer's stubborn silence continued.  
  
"I'm trying to change you know," Hyde talked on, "I know it hardly matters to you now, it's far too late, but I just thought you should know."  
  
Unexpectedly, this finally got a reaction from the quiet man.  
  
"I guess that means Tetsu finally succeeded in taming you," he said with a sad smile, making Hyde blink and look at Tetsu with a clear question. Tetsu, who had been the awkward onlooker up until then, shook his head to indicate he did not know what the drummer meant by that either. Sensing their confusion, Sakura explained.  
  
"It was always obvious Tetsu would be the one to make you change. I just refused to admit that. Ken even tried to make a bet between us on when that would happen, you know," the drummer tried to fake amusement, but did not really succeed.  
  
"That insensitive..." Tetsu started, looking angry at what he heard but the drummer cut him off.  
  
"It was his own way of trying to warn me about how unrealistic my expectations were, you know," he said to calm the leader down and then finally turned to look at Hyde for the first time. "There was nobody putting a gun to my head and forcing me to do what I did. My own weakness is not your fault."  
  
"I still pushed you towards it," the singer protested and Sakura just shrugged. Hyde finally rose from his position on the floor and carefully reached to embrace the younger man, obviously half expecting to be pushed away and surprised when that didn't happen. "I will always be there for you, you know. Whatever you need - help, a listening ear or a caring friend. I promise."  
  
Later that day, after a more than he expected successful meeting that he'd granted permission for after Hyde had bugged him about it for a whole day before, he spent twelve minutes in the studio worrying that the singer had forgotten Tetsu had organized a band meeting despite the bassist's having reminded him about it whilst they were leaving the prison. His worries eventually turned out to be unfounded when the vocalist did turn up, if uncharacteristically late. Hyde had also, it seemed, forgotten he was no longer in Hawaii as he turned up in his swimming shorts.  
  
The leader spent three seconds counting the annoyed ticks in his eye and containing and exasperated sigh. The meeting was supposed to serve as a chance to acquaintance Yukihiro with the people in L'Arc~en~Ciel, and Hyde was not giving a good first impression. But then he decided it was just as well. It was better that the hopefully future-drummer of Laruku got the idea of just how crazy the people he was about to join really were from the start.   
  
He also had to admit that the dumbfounded expression on the skinny man's face as he caught sight of Hyde's attire was amusing. Only a little, of course.  
  
Ken found the whole thing absolutely hilarious.  
  
"And this, Yukihiro-san, is our elusive singer," the tall man introduced exaggeratedly, taking advantage of the fact that he'd already met with the drummer a couple times before and was now feeling qualified to explain stuff to the newcomer. "He's going through some grand "finding himself anew" phase, which, as we can see, for some reason give him some ludicrous ideas like wearing tight shorts."  
  
"They're just simple swimming wear," Hyde protested, glaring at the guitarist.  
  
"That correction does not really help your case, Hyde," Tetsu pointed out helpfully and was rewarded with a glare himself.  
  
Whatever the reason was for the singer's decision to wear what he did to the practice fortunately did not interfere with his singing ability. Thus, when the meeting finally progressed enough for them to take up their instruments and try to play a few songs, it went as well as it could be hoped and they eventually left for home that night filled with hope.   
  
Hope for what?  
  
"A new start," Hyde murmured as the two of them were heading for their cars together, "A genuine new start. I sure as hell am going to take advantage of that. Wanna go to my apartment tonight, for a change?"  
  
Tetsu startled at the apparent non sequitur, but then realized they'd come to their destination and it was last chance for the singer to suggest a different destination.  
  
"Why?" He asked, not really minding the idea to change the routine of their last few days, but still curious about the reason.  
  
"There's only  **one**  bedroom in  **my**  place," came the cheeky reply before the singer disappeared into his car and left the bassist no choice but to follow.  
  
There was indeed only one bedroom, and only one, not really large bed. Tetsu had half a mind to back out, but that was not before he was already in bed, with Hyde at his side, hanging onto him as tightly as he'd always done the last few days whenever Tetsu let him in close enough. It was an embrace full of insecurity and a need for reassurance. It was also something so completely different from what Tetsu was used to call Hyde-like before, that the protest died on his lips while his arms tightened their own hold around he small figure while he settles in more comfortably.  
  
"You're not going to ask today?" He inquired half-jokingly after a few moments passed as he figured the older man just forgot to do what had almost become a tradition between them the last few days.  
  
"I figured I'll just wait until you want to," answered the other in a mumble against his chest.  
  
" **I**  have wanted it for a very long time," Tetsu said with a chuckle. That was hardly the problem.   
  
Not knowing how to take that answer, Hyde's head resurfaced from where it was previously half-buried beneath the covers and he stared up at the bassist.  
  
"Then why?.." He asked simply. There was no need to finish that sentence.  
  
"I guess I'm afraid you don't really want the  **same**  thing that I do," the bassist explained, smiling kindly, while the singer rose up from his lying position even more.  
  
"If it's about the way I word it," he said, gazing imploringly straight into Tetsu's eyes, "Then it doesn't matter. The words I use, they don't matter. Just like it doesn't matter if I tell you that I love you, that I adore you or that I want to spend the rest of my life with you and noone else. I mean it just the same."  
  
The tiny man spoke urgently, as if willing the bassist to understand and with every phrase that left the vocalist's mouth and flew right into Tetsu's heart, the leader's resolve weakened until it finally melted down completely.  
  
"It's not the wording that is the problem," He disagreed, brushing a stray strand of Hyde's hair behind his ear. "But in the end it doesn't matter, because you just convinced me all the same."  
  
The singer's eyes still looked at him without understanding, but that was before they closed when Tetsu's lips descended on his in a gentle kiss and the reasons ceased to be important altogether.  
  
It was so alike their first time, and yet so entirely different. The touches and the sensations that had then been blended into one breathtaking haze of pleasure now each stood out, each had its own significance. Where once every meeting of eyes was used to convey lies and deception, now they channeled only love and trust. Where once existed nurtured skill and confidence, now it was replaced by exploration and... shivers?  
  
"You're trembling, Hyde," Tetsu stated out loud, stopping their mutual caresses and pleasuring for a moment to questioningly look down to the face of the man over whom he was now lying.  
  
"I'm excited," Hyde smiled, "And nervous," he admitted after another second. "I've never..." the older man suddenly actually blushed and looked to the side. "It's actually my first time this way," he confessed.   
  
At first Tetsu frowned, not getting what the other meant and then his eyes widened in sudden understanding.  
  
"I don't really mind..." he started but Hyde started shaking his head before he could finish.  
  
" **I**  mind," he stressed, "It might seem silly, but it means a lot to me. That it's happening now, that it's happening with you. I want this, Tetsu. This way. I love you."  
  
The bassist didn't even try to hide the dampness at the corners of his eyes when the words touched him as deeply as Hyde obviously meant them. It was only fair to let Hyde know it meant a lot to him as well.  
  
"I'll be gentle," he promised, "Don't worry, I'll take care of everything."  
  
Hyde raised his head just enough to brush the tips of their noses together.  
  
"I know. Maybe that's  _why_  I love you."  
  
They both smiled, but that was before the expression was ruined by another meeting of lips.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
 **Hyde | Tetsu**  
  
Who cares about the score anyway?  
  
Hyde grinned, crumpling the piece of paper that had faded a little from age since he'd scribbled the first numbers on it and threw it into the rubbish bin. He'd die from embarrassment if anyone saw those two little hearts.   
  
They were far too small to show the love that existed in reality, after all.  
  
  
 _ **THE END.**_


End file.
